IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

We can learn everything about the past from the drama in films and on television. Therefore, we no longer need to read historical books. To what extend do you agree ordisagree about this statement?

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People have been using
up
Rephrase
apply
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modern technology to get
information
Use synonyms
that
Change preposition
about what
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 happened in the past
instead
Linking Words
 of reading books.In
this
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 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 and drawbacks of
this
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 situation.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the
on
Correct determiner usage
one
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 hand, nowadays modern technologies,
such
Linking Words
 as
television
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
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 are the
easiest
Correct article usage
The easiest
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 and fastest ways access any
information
Use synonyms
 you want. It provides accurate and reliable data.
For example
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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companies and other public sectors have been using
television
Use synonyms
 to transmit
information
Use synonyms
 to indigenous folks.
In addition
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 to
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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  watching movies is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to exploit your leisure time and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 valuable knowledge as a resource.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 gives to chance to get
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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 topic of films which you are looking for.
Furthermore
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, digital platforms allow for interactive learning, enabling individuals to engage with historical content through multimedia rather than just static text.
On the other hand
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, reading
book
Correct article usage
a book
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 is the conventional
way
Use synonyms
 to study and
self improvement
Correct your spelling
self-improvement
.
For instance
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools’ teaching methods are traditional
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 students have been learning to
reading
Wrong verb form
read
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 books and other conventional
Use synonyms
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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.
Moreover
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, reading
enhane
Correct your spelling
enhances
 your skimming and scanning skills.In fact, scientists say reading and
peruse
Wrong verb form
perusing
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 are the
way
Use synonyms
of advancement
Replace the word
to advance
 your memory.
Additionally
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, traditional methods prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you
getting
Change preposition
from getting
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 useless and bothersome adverts compared to social
network
Check wording
networks
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 and
television
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, getting
information
Use synonyms
 from
television
Use synonyms
 and films
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the best accessible, fast and easy
way
Use synonyms
 to obtain it
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 reading
book
Check wording
books
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 is conventional and the best
way
Use synonyms
 to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 efficiently
Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
show examples
 keeping yourself healthy.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You say you will talk about both sides, but you do not give a clear view about how much you agree or disagree.
task response
Use ideas that stay close to the topic. The topic is about films and TV about the past, but you talk a lot about the internet and general technology.
task response
Give stronger examples. Your example about companies and public sectors does not clearly show how drama helps us learn history.
task response
Build each main point with a clear reason and a simple example. Some points are short or not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer paragraph order. Your essay has an introduction, body, and end, but some ideas inside the body do not flow well.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a correct way. Some linkers like 'In addition to' and 'On the other hand' are not used well.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In your first body paragraph, TV, internet, films, and digital learning are mixed together.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word order, because unclear grammar can make the flow hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You try to show both sides of the topic, which helps task response.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, so the essay is easier to read.
task response
You include some examples and reasons, even though they need more detail.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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