More people is moving to the big city to live and work. What are the reasons and results of this trend?

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Most individuals are migrating to the big city solely for working and living,
this
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is
due to
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the availability of a
broder
Correct your spelling
broader
range of job markets and suitable living conditions
to
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for
show examples
an individual.
Consequently
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, the population of
cities
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would expand
while
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rural areas and hometowns
will
Wrong verb form
would
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slowly contract and decline.
At
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In
show examples
this
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age and modern era, large
cities
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are the primary source of big companies,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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will lead to individuals migrating from their hometown as an effective strategy to pursue high-income jobs and eventually career success.
Although
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the competitive job markets could
also
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lead to failure,
this
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does not stop the various options of remaining open slots.
Furthermore
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, being a worker in a big city would encourage them to live there as well
,
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. This
show examples
this
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could help the individual to move freely from work to home without the worry of being late,
it
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and it
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can
also
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help them adapt better to the new environment.
For example
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, a doctor should be around the area 24/7
,
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;
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travelling long distances between the city and a person's hometown could lead to job dismissal.
Subsequently
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,
this
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will lead to the expansion of population in major
cities
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and fewer human resources in rural areas and hometowns. As citizens
move
Verb problem
strive
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for achieving career success, towns might be underdeveloped
due to
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the lack of residents.
In contrast
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, large
cities
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will continue getting larger in both population and innovation, since they do not lack the human resources to achieve something big and new.
For instance
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, a computer engineer would need to pursue big
sofware
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software
companies in
cities
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rather than his hometown,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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will result in towns losing a major talented individual,
while
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cities
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gain another skilled candidate for their companies. In conclusion,
as
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apply
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most individuals migrate to big
cities
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for
an
Correct article usage
the
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opportunity of high-income jobs and eventually
living
Wrong verb form
live
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there to move freely and adapt to the environment.
This
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would result
to
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in
show examples
contraction in many towns
,
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apply
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and areas
,
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;
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conversely
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, major
cities
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will continue to expand and achieve big innovation for their vast human resources.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say the reasons and the results in a very clear way in each body part.
task response
Make your main ideas more exact. Some points are good, but a few lines are too general or repeated.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and less like guesses. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences join too many ideas. Split them into shorter parts for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly clear, but some connections are not smooth. Use simple links like first, also, as a result, and in contrast.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both reasons and results.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • city
  • people
  • move
  • live
  • work
  • job
  • pay
  • better
  • career
  • services
  • health care
  • schools
  • transport
  • shops
  • culture
  • friends
  • study
  • learn
  • experience
  • family
  • crowd
  • traffic
  • noise
  • pollution
  • cost of living
  • house
  • home
  • rural
  • countryside
  • growth
  • planning
  • policy
  • life
  • opportunity
  • opportunities
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