There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

Young people today are under pressure to do well at

school

Use synonyms

and go on to higher education

Correct your spelling

show examples

find a good job. For

this

Linking Words

reason

Add a comma

,reason

show examples

many people think that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

are waste of time and that schools should only focus on more academic

subjects

Use synonyms

. I would disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion and in

this

Linking Words

essay will explain why.

Body paragraph 1

Firstly

Linking Words

there is a variety of

skills

Use synonyms

are taught in

non academic

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non-academic

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

that are essential for living. A

school

Use synonyms

should not only

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

focus

Add an article

a focus

the focus

show examples

on academic areas but should give

children

Use synonyms

a range of

skills

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For

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

children

Use synonyms

learn teamwork, discipline, leadership

skills

Use synonyms

and how to solve problems with

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

Body paragraph 2

Secondly

Linking Words

, not all

children

Use synonyms

want and need academic

subjects

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. It is not important for everybody to go

higher

Change preposition

to higher

show examples

education and have good

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

school

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. There

are

Change the verb form

show examples

some

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

that

teach

Change the verb form

teaches

show examples

children

Use synonyms

to be more successful and find work easier.

Subjects

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such

Linking Words

Change preposition

show examples

cookery and woodwork will be good for some students and give possibilities for job opportunities as chefs or furniture makers,

for example

Linking Words

Body paragraph 3

Finally

Linking Words

Use synonyms

school

Add an article

the school

a school

show examples

can be very stressful and if all

subjects

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are only very academic

then

Linking Words

it is bad for

children

Use synonyms

Non academic

Add a hyphen

Non-academic

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

like physical education and music reduce their stress better than only with academic

subjects

Use synonyms

Conclusion

conclusion

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,conclusion

show examples

I argue that

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

are important because they can help

children

Use synonyms

learn

skills

Use synonyms

, find work and reduce stress. A

school

Use synonyms

should not only be

Add an article

a focus

the focus

show examples

focus

Wrong verb form

focused

show examples

on academic success but teach lots of

skills

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

yousefalyousef2040

Dec 11, 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.5

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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