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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad.Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 there are different opinions
between
Change preposition
among
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people
Use synonyms
. Some think that getting old is so bad, but
,
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apply
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 others believe today's
life
Use synonyms
 for older
people
Use synonyms
 is
quite
Rephrase
much
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 better
rather
Correct word choice
apply
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than before. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the correct opinion is nowadays
life
Use synonyms
 is much better
,
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apply
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the past. It's true
,
Correct word choice
that
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 if
people
Use synonyms
 start getting old, they start losing their
overall
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 health. Because the body will not be able to stay
refresh
Replace the word
refreshed
 and regeneration will decrease.
For example
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, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 have heart
attack
Check wording
attacks
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, diabet,
arteroscleros
Check wording
apply
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and even parcinsonism. It may do their
life
Use synonyms
 even worse, they suffer
affect of
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from
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 these diseases
and
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, and
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 even because of
it
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it,
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 they don't want to live like that anymore.
In addition
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, some
people
Use synonyms
's children don't want to take care
for
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of
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 them.
On the other hand
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, in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 world, there are a lot of new treatment methods and different pills to make
people
Use synonyms
 don't feel
any uncomfortable
Replace the word
no discomfort
 or pain. And,
also
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, scientists
working
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are working
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 on more illnesses, rather than
past
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in the past
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. Because
,
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apply
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 nowadays every field is developing. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, different anaesthetics and technologies appear
and
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, and
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 even artificial
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 helps to
now
Use the right word
know
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 how to treat different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of diseases. WHO
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
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 trying to improve elderly
people
Use synonyms
's health. And
also
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 takes care
for
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of
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 elderly
people
Use synonyms
. So, that's why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I think old
peoples
Check wording
people's
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life
Use synonyms
 is much better compared to the past.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 both of the views have truth
on
Change preposition
in
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 them, but they
also
Linking Words
 need to think
living
Correct word choice
that living
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 longer
not
Verb problem
is not
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 bad
like
Correct word choice
, as
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 they think. Nowadays
there
Punctuation problem
, there
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a
Verb problem
are a
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lot of preferences for older
people
Use synonyms
. And they can live longer
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 afraid of anything.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the first side is shorter and less full.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all parts, not only in the introduction and end.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way, like 'however', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples about health and modern treatment.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
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