IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Question- Many people believes that the increasing number of cars in the cities is the biggest source of pollution and waste. Others think that industries are the ones causing pollution. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A significant part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society thinks that the main reason for the high levels of carbon dioxide in the air and
pollution
Use synonyms
 is the growing number of
transportation
Check wording
vehicles
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 in cities.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that the industries are the reason for considerabe increase in
pollution
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 both sides have merit, they are both equally valid
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, I believe that there are alternative reasons for the increase of carbon dioxide. Regarding the
pollution
Use synonyms
 from vehicles, they contribute
to the
Correct word order
significantly to the pollution
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 significantly because civilians use transportation in daily basis.

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task response
Write about both sides. Now you only start one side.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way and keep it the same.
task response
Add one full body paragraph for industry pollution.
task response
Use one or two simple examples to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a start, but it has no real ending. Add a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, also, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat 'pollution' too many times in one sentence.
task response
The introduction shows the topic clearly.
task response
You try to discuss both views and give an opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The first sentence is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
There is some basic linking with words like while and regarding.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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