IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Social media has become a real problem for young people today, and governments should create laws that allow only people over 18 years of age to have accounts. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that social
media
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 has become an integral part of young people’s lives.
However
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, concerns have been raised about its negative impact, leading some to suggest that governments should restrict
access
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 to individuals over the age of 18.
Although
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 some may agree with
this
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 view, I am opposed to it
due to
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 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that social
media
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 can offer important educational and social benefits for young people. To illustrate, online platforms allow teenagers to
access
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 information, develop digital skills, and communicate with others across the world.
For instance
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, students can use social
media
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 to collaborate on school projects, learn new ideas, and stay informed about global events.
This
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 suggests that completely restricting
access
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 may limit opportunities for learning and personal development. Another point that should not be overlooked is that
while
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 social
media
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 poses risks, strict regulation and guidance may be more effective than a complete ban. To clarify, issues
such
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 as cyberbullying, addiction, and exposure to inappropriate content can be addressed through parental supervision, education, and platform regulations.
For example
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, governments can enforce age-appropriate content controls and require platforms to implement stronger safety measures.
This
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 approach balances protection with
access
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, rather than imposing an overly restrictive policy. To recapitulate, it is evident that social
media
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 provides both benefits and risks for young people, and
while
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 concerns about its impact are valid, a complete ban for those under 18 may not be the best solution.
Therefore
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, I believe that governments should focus on regulation and education
instead
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 of strict age restrictions in order to protect young users
while
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 allowing them to benefit from digital technologies.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear, but you can add one more strong reason on the other side before you disagree. This can show a fuller view.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Try to use a more clear and real example.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. But some linkers like 'to illustrate' and 'to clarify' are used in a repeated way. Try to vary them more.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main paragraph has one clear idea, but you can develop each idea a little more deeply with one extra sentence.
task response
For task response, you answer the question directly and your opinion is clear from the start to the end.
task response
For task response, your ideas stay on topic and are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your paragraphs are well ordered and easy to understand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • age
  • law
  • government
  • should
  • could
  • might
  • need
  • fair
  • ban
  • limit
  • online
  • media
  • social
  • young
  • adult
  • child
  • parent
  • school
  • learn
  • harm
  • safety
  • protect
  • privacy
  • trust
  • control
  • rule
  • policy
  • access
  • information
  • enforce
  • possible
  • solution
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