IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 9 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes

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The given table depicts information about the number of foreigners who arrived in 9 different countries in 2009 and 2010. The number of tourists is given in millions
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of arrivals were in France,
while
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 the most significant change was in Germany.
To begin
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 with, in 2009, 76 million people arrived in France.
On the other hand
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, both Spain and the UK showed the same trends, resulting in 55. Whilst the US made up 66, and Italy constituted 44. The trends varied differently
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 China represented two-fold more than Germany, 22 and 11, respectively.
Whereas
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 Turkey depicted 33. In 2010, the number of arrivals stayed unchanged in France.
While
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 the US increased by 1.5%, China by 55%, and Spain by 1.8%. The UK experienced 3.6% growth, changing to 57 million. Both Italy and Turkey changed to 45, but Turkey increased by 33%,
while
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 Italy increased by 2.3%. The most significant change happened in Germany,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 drastically grew by 109%, resulting in 23 million. Only one country, Hong Kong, dropped to 11% from 10 to 9

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task response
For task response: You give the main data and key changes, but some parts are not fully clear. Compare more groups in one sentence, and make sure all numbers and change words are exact.
task response
For task response: Your overview is good, but it can be stronger. Add one more big point, such as which countries stayed almost the same and which ones rose a lot.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear start and body, but some sentences do not link well. Use simple linking words like also, while, in contrast, and overall in a more natural way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are too long or broken by commas. Make shorter sentences so each idea is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Group similar countries together. For example, put small rise countries in one part and big rise countries in another part.
task response
For task response: You mention the main features, like France being highest and Germany having the biggest rise.
task response
For task response: You use many data points from the table, which helps support your report.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear introduction and an overview.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The report follows time order from 2009 to 2010, so the reader can follow it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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