IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

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Among all ages of
people
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, social
media
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 is becoming
increasingly
Correct article usage
an increasingly
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 ubiquitous communication tool.
Although
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,
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apply
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 sharing private data on social
media
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 platforms does have risks.
This
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 essay will discuss both views
and
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, and
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 I think that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 overtake advantages. On the one hand, social
media
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 has
benefit
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benefits
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such
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 as keeping in touch with individuals' households or friends
'
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apply
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. There is a tendency for human well-being to communicate with each other even from
far
Correct article usage
a far
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 distance
though
Change preposition
through
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 social
media
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 platforms
including
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, including
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Tik Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 or Instagram. They can communicate wherever and whenever they want,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes it convinient and find their old friends or classmates.
For instance
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, a large number of old
people
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are founded
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have found
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 their old friends or classmates
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then
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and then
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 communicate with them in their leisure time to recall their past experiences.
On the other hand
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, rarely do
people
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realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 that
,
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apply
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 sharing private data on social apps have high level of risks for each person.
This
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 is because, nowadays, scammers seek to steal personal
informations
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information
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 and take
credits
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credit
show examples
. Which leads to losing not only their
budger
Use the right word
budget
show examples
 but
also
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 their reputations. To illustrate, scammers tend to borrow a large
number
Check wording
amount
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 of money from the bank to pretend
like
Verb problem
to be
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 their victims.
Therefore
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, if
people
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 cannot return
these
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this
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money
Punctuation problem
money,
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 they would be in
a
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apply
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prison
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otherwise
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; otherwise
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 work
entire their lifes
Correct word order
their entire lives
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 to return
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 money to the bank.
To conclude
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, social
media
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websides
Correct your spelling
websites
 are useful to
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with other
people
Use synonyms
 but
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some drawbacks. There is a vivid example
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 leads to losing individuals' budgets and reputations
and
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apply
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,
I
Correct word choice
and I
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argue that the cons overshadow the pros.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Answer the question more fully by saying why the good points are weaker than the bad points.
task response
Use examples that are more real and easy to believe.
coherence and cohesion
Put commas less often and only where they help the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more smooth way with clear words like first, also, because, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Build each body part around one main idea and explain it step by step.
task response
You gave a clear opinion that the bad points are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, and therefore.
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