IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
People
Use synonyms
 argue that if they can save
money
Use synonyms
 since their childhood, it will help
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
future
Use synonyms
 work. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
face
Use synonyms
 any dangerous situations,
such
Linking Words
 as health issues and financial problems, they can
face
Use synonyms
 them with their savings
Check wording
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can invest their
money
Use synonyms
 so that they can achieve financial freedom.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
’s health issues have been increasing significantly.
However
Linking Words
, they can
face
Use synonyms
 any dangerous health problems if they have
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should follow the saving
money
Use synonyms
 strategy with their families because it will help reduce their stress about the
future
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle, who was a cancer patient, collected a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 for his
future
Use synonyms
 when he was young so that he could
face
Use synonyms
 the cancer successfully.
Finally
Linking Words
, he became a normal person with the proper treatment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, investment is the best path to achieve the
people
Use synonyms
’s financial freedom, which is a very important thing in our lives. If we have savings
Check wording
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
, we can invest that for our
future
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in the stock market and buying properties.
For example
Linking Words
, I have collected some
money
Use synonyms
 for my higher studies and invested my savings in the Sri Lankan stock market
while
Linking Words
 I was doing my part-time job.
As a result
Linking Words
, I can apply my master’s degree in Australia, which was helpful for my
future
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, saving
money
Use synonyms
 is an essential habit and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to follow
this
Linking Words
 even if they have problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can
face
Use synonyms
 any dangerous situations
as well as
Linking Words
 they can achieve their financial freedom to succeed
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
future
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each part. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this main idea strong from start to end.
task response
Add one more clear reason or explain your two reasons more deeply. This will make your ideas more full and strong.
task response
Use examples that are clear and general. Your examples are useful, but they can be explained in a simpler and more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and easier to follow. A few parts are hard to understand because the wording is not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Words like first, second, because, so, and as a result are good, but some links feel repeated or forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step. This will help the reader follow your essay more easily.
task response
You answer the topic clearly and you give a clear opinion: you agree.
task response
You use two main ideas that fit the topic: saving for health needs and saving for investment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words like firstly, secondly, for instance, and in conclusion to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
What to do next:
Look at other essays: