IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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People
Use synonyms
 argue that if they can save
money
Use synonyms
 since their childhood, it will be essential for their
future
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
have any
Verb problem
face
show examples
 dangerous situations
such
Linking Words
 as health issues and financial problems, they can
face
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it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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 with their
saving
Check wording
savings
show examples
money
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 can invest their
money
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 so that they can achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial freedom.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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’s health issues have been increasing significantly.
However
Linking Words
, they can
face
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 any dangerous health problems if they have
money
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should follow the saving
money
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 strategy with their families because it will help to reduce their stress about the
future
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle, who was a cancer patient, collected a lot of
money
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 for his
future
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 when he was young so that he could
face
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 the cancer successfully.
Finally
Linking Words
, he became a normal
peroson
Correct your spelling
person
 with the good treatments.
Secondly
Linking Words
, investment is the best path to achieve the
people
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’s financial freedom, which is a very important thing in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. If we have savings
Check wording
apply
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money
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, we can invest that for our
future
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as investing
stock
Change preposition
in the stock
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markets
Check wording
market
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 and buying properties.
For example
Linking Words
, I have collected some
money
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 for my higher studies and invested my savings
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the Sri Lankan stock market
while
Linking Words
 I was doing my part-time job.
As a result
Linking Words
, I can apply my master’s degree in Australia
Punctuation problem
, that
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that decision
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was
helful
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for my
future
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. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential habit and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to follow
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, although
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although they have
Correct word choice
regardless of
show examples
 any problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
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 can
face
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 any dangerous situations
as well as
Linking Words
 they can achieve their financial freedom to success their
future
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show why you agree, not only what saving can do.
task response
Use clearer main ideas. One main idea for each body part is best.
task response
Give examples that are more clear and more general, not only personal stories.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check word use in linking phrases. Some link words are used, but some sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear so the reader knows the point of each paragraph at once.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You use two main reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like Firstly, Secondly, Therefore, and In conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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