IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expesive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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it
Fix capitalization
It
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 is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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 fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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many organisations have been
production
Replace the word
producing
products
Use synonyms
 which have
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 amount of sugar and could be harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 public health .
While
Linking Words
 many people argue to overcome the consumption of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 , they should be sell on high prices to overcome the severe health issues related to
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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products
Use synonyms
. I am partielly agree with
this
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 statement as there are many
others
Correct word choice
other
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 alternatives which might be effective ways
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as spreading awareness or encouraging people towards healthy diets.
To begin
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 with , one of the primary
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 to spread information about the
determiental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 impacts of eating high levels of sugar
products
Use synonyms
 .It could increase the level of insulin
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can leads obesity and chronic diseases . Many people are not aware of
this
Linking Words
 consequenses , and they tend to enjoy
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 in their daily life .
Moreover
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 , if they have proper knowledge about the harmful impacts of sugary
Use synonyms
products
Punctuation problem
products,
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 their habits will
be
Verb problem
apply
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change gradually.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
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, campions and social media are
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
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 as
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 source of information .
through
Fix capitalization
Through
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 them
motivating
Punctuation problem
, motivating
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 individuals towards
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 diet and
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 eating
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 enables them to avoid excessive sugary
products
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that increasing the price can be an effective approach to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
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with
this
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 concern
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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this
Linking Words
not
Verb problem
is not
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 a long - term sloution .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , we need a practical way which can easy to access and motivates
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same view in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how and why your solution works, not only what it is.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: introduction, 2 body parts, and conclusion. Start each body part with one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'because', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentence order more clear. Some lines are hard to follow because of word order and missing words.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You included both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has separate body parts with different main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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