IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people who care for the elderly donot have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

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There is no denying that people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
ederly
Correct your spelling
elderly
 do not have adequate time to look after them. It is because these people may have other
work
Use synonyms
 to do, but they still need to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
ederly
Correct your spelling
elderly
,
this
Linking Words
 lead elderly to feel neglected by their
caregiver
Use synonyms
. The main
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 is the
caregiver
Use synonyms
 have a lot of duties that they need to finish in a day,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 they need to cook and clean the house, but on the other
side
Add a comma
side,
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 they
also
Linking Words
 need to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the elderly, give them the attention they
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will give a burnout to the
caregiver
Use synonyms
 and loneliness to the elderly. There are several solutions to solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems.
First,
Linking Words
the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community services to help the caregivers by
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emotional support, since their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 are very challenging.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the caregivers can share their responsibility
to
Change preposition
with
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 other
families
Check wording
family
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 members,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 they can still focus
of
Change preposition
on
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 their own responsibilities.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the family that
hire
Correct subject-verb agreement
hires
show examples
 the
caregiver
Use synonyms
 should give them
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational activities
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 when they come back to
work
Use synonyms
, they can fully
optimize
Change the spelling
optimise
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the elderly.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 the conclusion of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are the caregivers
also
Linking Words
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
 their break and attention to their mental health. There are many ways that can help them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as community services, sharing duties, and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 an adequate break. If all of these are
fullfilled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
, it can affect their
work
Use synonyms
 quality to take
care
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 elderly, and prevent the elderly to be overlook and feeling lonely.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and solutions, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and more real.
task response
Explain the problems more. For example, say how lack of time can hurt the health, safety, or mood of old people.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make each paragraph have one clear main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like first, also, as a result, and therefore. Some sentences now feel too long.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. The second paragraph is about problems, and the third is about solutions, which is good, but ideas inside each paragraph need clearer order.
task response
You answer both questions in the task: problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Some ideas are easy to understand, such as stress for carers and loneliness for old people.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • caregiver
  • attention
  • daily tasks
  • emotional support
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • health issues
  • signs
  • stress
  • burnout
  • quality of life
  • interaction
  • recreational activities
  • responsibilities
  • care
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