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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company's total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.

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The chart is a stacked bar chart showing the percentage distribution of four regions (
Asia
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
, North
America
Use synonyms
, and South
America
Use synonyms
) between 2002 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
 consistently accounted for the largest share over the period,
whereas
Linking Words
Asia
Use synonyms
 experienced a steady increase.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportions for North
America
Use synonyms
 and South
America
Use synonyms
 showed a slight decline. In 2002,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
 made up the biggest proportion at 44%, followed by North
America
Use synonyms
 at 33%.
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South
America
Use synonyms
 were significantly lower, at 12% and 11% respectively. Over the next few years,
Asia
Use synonyms
’s share rose steadily, reaching 20% in 2003 and 22% in 2004. Meanwhile,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
 peaked at 48% in 2004 before declining slightly to 44% in 2005 and 40% in 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
, North
America
Use synonyms
 showed a gradual decrease from 33% in 2002 to 21% in both 2005 and 2006.
Similarly
Linking Words
, South
America
Use synonyms
 dropped from 11% to 6% in 2004,
although
Linking Words
 it recovered slightly to 11% by the end of the period. By 2006,
Asia
Use synonyms
 had increased significantly to 28%,
while
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Africa
Use synonyms
 remained the dominant
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 despite a moderate fall

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words asia, europe, africa, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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