IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

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Yes, the advantages of
technology
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 outweigh the disadvantages because social media helps
the
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apply
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people
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 to keep in touch with their friends and families. The question is, do you believe the disadvantages are less than the advantages
in
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of
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technology
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?. In my opinion, I believe the
technology
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 has so many benefits regardless of the drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I am going to provide more details about
this
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 topic and give my opinion. First of all, there are many
people
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 who
use
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 the
technology
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 in order to communicate with their community and keep in touch with them
,
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;
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moreover
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, these kinds of
people
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 might be overseas in order to study or work,
therefore
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, social media is the only way to communicate with their community.
For instance
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, my brother studies
master's
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a master's
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 degree in Franch and he does not have enough holidays to visit his family
,
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;
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as a result
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 , he uses the Snapchat app to call his mother and his father.
As a result
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, social media helps many
people
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.
However
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, there are many
people
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 who
use
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technology
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 in a bad way
,
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;
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 they browes Tik tok app for a long
time
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, especially teenagers
,
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. Therefore
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therefore
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, they do not do their homework
and
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, and
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 they always feel too lazy to go to
school
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. These are drawbacks
about
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of
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technology
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.
For instance
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, my cousin does not often go to
school
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 because he does not sleep early
,
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;
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as a result
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, he is often absent from
school
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.
Therefore
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, we should put a limited
time
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 for the teenagers in order to help them go to
school
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,
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;
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in addition
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, they should do their homework every day. In conclusion, I would argue that there
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people
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are people
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use
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who use
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technology
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 with limited
time
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 and with a purpose
,
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;
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on the other hand
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, there are
people
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 who
use
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 it with no
limit
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time limit
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time
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 and no control.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
task response
Use one clear position from start to end. Do not repeat the question in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. This will help the essay feel more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some linking words are used too much, like 'therefore' and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and punctuation. Some long sentences should be split into two sentences.
task response
You clearly give your opinion that the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages.
task response
You use examples about your brother and cousin, and this helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • stay connected
  • social media platform
  • instant message
  • share updates
  • breaking news
  • real-time information
  • false information
  • fake news
  • trusted source
  • face-to-face communication
  • screen time
  • online pressure
  • daily life
  • low-cost communication
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