IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
people
Use synonyms
 are more interested in new streaming services than
Use synonyms
cinemas
Change preposition
in cinemas
show examples
. Some
people
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 believe that
cinemas
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 are no longer relevant.
Although
Linking Words
 some agree with
this
Linking Words
, I firmly disagree with
this
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 view
due to
Linking Words
 diverse reasons, which will be examined in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the most obvious reasons is that
cinemas
Use synonyms
 in the shopping mall offer
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 quality in terms of experience. To clarify,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 in the centre have giant screens that can provide
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 entertaining experience for customers, and the screens are effective because they are bright and clear.
On the other hand
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, watching
movies
Use synonyms
 at home cannot give an experience
that is
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 as watching them in
cinemas
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.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that most
people
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 watch
movies
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 via mobile phones, tablets, or television, which
make
Verb problem
prevents
show examples
 them
cannot see
Change preposition
from seeing
show examples
 the whole details of the
movies
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
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according to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a survey conducted by psychologists
, it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 reveals that
people
Use synonyms
 who watch the movie in
cinemas
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 feel satisfied with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 movie more than
people
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 who watch
at
Correct pronoun usage
it at
show examples
 home. Another point that should not be overlooked is that
cinemas
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 can provide more opportunities for
people
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 to
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
. To illustrate, watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in
cinemas
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 is considered an activity that helps
people
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 to spend time together, which can help strengthen relationships
of
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among
show examples
people
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 in society, whether they are families or friends. Having time to watch the same
movies
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 allows them to laugh or cry together, and it can
also
Linking Words
 make them talk much more about the topics
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the movie that they just watched.
For instance
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, based on research carried out by psychiatrists, it discloses that a group of friends or families who frequently go to
cinemas
Use synonyms
 have stronger relationships than those watching
movies
Use synonyms
 alone. To recapitulate, it is evident that
cinemas
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 are still valuable and crucial as they give better experiences and provide more chances to stay with friends and families.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that
cinemas
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 should be supported in the modern world because watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in
cinemas
Use synonyms
 provides novel experiences for customers

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each main part. Keep showing why you disagree.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples. Your examples now are a bit general.
task response
Explain ideas a little more fully. Some points are clear, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Most are good, but some lines sound a bit long or forced.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few parts are not smooth and make reading less easy.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence clearly connects to the one before it.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea and stays on that idea.
task response
Your reasons are relevant to the topic and easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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