In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it?

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In many countries,
stress
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has been a major issue that affects a lot of
people
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leading
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, leading
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them to be
restlessness
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restless
,
burnout
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experience burnout
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,
diminished
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have diminished
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social life, and even
mental
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develop mental
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health
illness
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illnesses
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,
such
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as anxiety and depression.
This
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is a growing matter
and
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, and
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more attention should be put
onto
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on
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this
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to tackle it. The world has quickly transformed into a fast-paced and high achieving socety where everyone seems to be so focused on working hard that we
loss
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lose
the work-life balance. The education standards are sky-rocket high
comparing
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compared
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to the old days. It requires a lot more effort from students to study and achieve a higher grade to get admitted to universities.
Moreover
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, the demands on
cooperate
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corporate
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jobs have
also
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surged so much that workers have to work overtime and even on weekends outside their typical 9-5. There
are
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is
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intense competition at schools and offices, and if anyone does not follow
this
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set path, it is very likely that
you
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they
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will get eliminated.
People
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are forced to play
along with
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the survival game
and
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, and
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the prolonged tension has caused a lot of
stress
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to them. Suffering from
stress
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for a long time can cause some unhealthy consequences, and the most
straight-forward
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straightforward
way to reduce feeling
stressful
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stressed
is to relax our body and mind. Exercising is a good way to increase our releasing of endorphins to make ourselves feel happier. We can strengthen our muscles and build a stronger body through sports like running, weight training, and yoga.
Moreover
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, going on a holiday and
meditate
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meditating
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are
also
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ideal to help us to refresh our
mind
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minds
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.
For example
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, Bali, Indonesia is famous for
breathework
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breathwork
classes that
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people
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help people
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can quiet
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calm
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down
themselves
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apply
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and enjoy
the
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apply
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nature. Many
people
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visit Bali to refresh their
mind
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minds
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and get recharged between the busy
life
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lives
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they live
in
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apply
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.
To conclude
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, it is
unfortuntate
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unfortunate
that many
people
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suffer from
stress
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.
Although
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we cannot
revert
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reverse
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what has happened to cause the
stress
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, it is
recommened
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recommended
that we take time to rest and have short breaks to recharge ourselves, so that we are more prepared to face future stressful events in life
while
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maintaining
healthier
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a healthier
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body.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: causes and measures. Your ideas are good, but the fixes are mostly about what people can do. Add what schools, jobs, and government can do too.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea very clear at the start of the paragraph. This helps the reader follow your point more easily.
task response
Support each main point with one clear example and explain how it links to stress. Some examples are good, but a few need more direct link.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and clear way. Words like 'first', 'also', 'as a result', and 'to solve this' can make the flow smoother.
task response
Keep the focus on the question. In body 2, talk more about real measures to tackle stress, not only general health benefits of exercise and travel.
coherence and cohesion
You clearly introduce the topic and give a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan: intro, causes, measures, and conclusion.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the response is complete.
task response
You use a real example about Bali, which helps make your ideas more specific.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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