IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Even with their rapid growth, the great number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are migrating from the countryside to the
cities
Use synonyms
 has caused them to become overly crowded. Reasons
such
Linking Words
 as better services, easier accessibility, and more opportunities have worsened
this
Linking Words
 massive shift in population numbers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will attempt to explain some of the possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem. The issue of overpopulation in
cities
Use synonyms
 has become noticeably evident in the
last
Linking Words
 few decades
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 larger
amounts
Check wording
numbers
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 moving to live in urban spaces. One factor that contributes to
why
Rephrase
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
happens
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is the existence of improved
overall
Linking Words
 life in
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the country and villages may face water shortages during summer and power outages in winter because of adverse weather.
Also
Linking Words
, urban life offers ease of access to many facilities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 include schools, hospitals, universities, and many other institutions that lots of families struggle to reach when they live far from
cities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, a suitable solution to
this
Linking Words
 concern is providing better services and accessibility to
people
Use synonyms
 who live in villages. By providing the necessary facilities, job opportunities, and an improved
overall
Linking Words
 living experience, a great number of households may decide to remain in their places. Another possible fix is to support the farmers financially. Governments can provide the families in the countryside with the necessary tools and reward them for their hard work. If a farmer feels that their hard work is recognised and rewarded, they will settle for what has been proposed to them by the authorities.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the subject of
people
Use synonyms
 moving into
cities
Use synonyms
 in large numbers must not be overlooked. Most of the time, factors
such
Linking Words
 as lack of services and inaccessibility push these
people
Use synonyms
 to abandon their homes. By the provision of better living conditions, authorities can at least slow down the matter until a more definitive solution is found.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the reasons well, but the fixes are a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear reason for moving to cities, such as more jobs or higher pay.
task response
Use a more direct example. A real place or simple personal example can make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explain, example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but you can use them more carefully. Do not add extra words if the meaning is already clear.
coherence and cohesion
The second paragraph mixes reasons and effects a little. Keep the focus on one point at a time.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas usually move in a logical order.
task response
You answer both parts of the question.
task response
Your solutions are relevant to the problem.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: