IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the developed world, technological progress is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of radical technological advancements.

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Although
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technology
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 can enhance everything in life, it may harm the community. In the advanced global world, technological advancements are rising around the world. I believe that issues will arise, not only the loss of connection skills, but
also
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 overly depending on
technology
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. One of the significant reasons technological advancements will affect the future of the community is
losing
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the loss of
communication
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 infrastructure.
This
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 is a reason
because of
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for
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 a lack of real-life interaction with others
due to
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 poor face-to-face
communication
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.
For example
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, if
people
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 are interacting daily on digital
platforms
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, they will lose sight of the success
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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which is
Change preposition
of
show examples
 speaking with others. Another cause is that the sophisticated technological advancements might significantly depend on
technology
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, and
people
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 cannot think without it,
such
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 as websites for research, affecting their knowledge. Owing to the fact that using digital devices all the time reduces brain function.
For instance
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, a great number of researchers made a study of
people
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 who
use
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technology
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 sharply and permanently and found they are losing
communication
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 tools and critical thinking because of relying on digital
platforms
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.
However
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,
this
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 can be solved by the community limiting the
use
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 of
technology
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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, rather than using
platforms
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 on which they would like to research, should try searching in books.
For instance
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, as long as
people
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 research information in books, they will probably enhance their knowledge.
Secondly
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, individuals could reduce their
use
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 of
platforms
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, and they can make relationships and affect their personal space,
also
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 in their careers,
due to
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 a reliable and successful life based on
communication
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 skills. In conclusion, despite issues caused by
technology
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,
such
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 as losing
communication
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 tools and relying on digital devices, we found solutions, namely limiting the
use
Use synonyms
 of social media and researching information from books.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and give some ways, but the ideas are not deep enough.
task response
Make each main idea clearer. Use one clear problem in one part, then explain it with a simple example.
task response
Some examples are too general. Add one real and direct example to support each main point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences do not link in a smooth way.
coherence cohesion
Use simpler linking words and make the order of ideas easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Some phrases are hard to understand, so your main point is not always easy to follow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: problems and ways to reduce them.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tech
  • change
  • job
  • work
  • skill
  • learn
  • school
  • life
  • time
  • health
  • mind
  • risk
  • harm
  • safe
  • help
  • data
  • law
  • rule
  • plan
  • cost
  • money
  • access
  • fair
  • equal
  • trust
  • open
  • use
  • power
  • control
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