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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. What are advantage and disadvantage?

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Recently, it is often said that some
advocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
advocates
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 claim that the amount of work time is growing and
lest
Use the right word
less
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 time at home is decreasing. There could be several benefits from
this
Linking Words
 trend;
however
Linking Words
, its drawbacks should not be ignored. One disadvantage of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that the amount of time they share with their family may
gets
Wrong verb form
get
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 less. There is a possibility that it leads
some
Change preposition
to some
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 issues, which
make
Verb problem
can cause conflicts in
show examples
 human
relationship conflicts
Check wording
relationships
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if worker often go back home lately, they would lose a chance to talk with their wife.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they would not attend their kids’ events
such
Linking Words
 as
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 sports festival. It means parents tend to miss
to watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 their growth. Another disadvantage is that if they work a lot or
have worries
Verb problem
worry
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 too much, they get
stress
Replace the word
stressed
. Some people say that
such
Linking Words
 stress
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 people depressed. At
worse
Replace the word
worst
, they may end up
with stopping
Verb problem
losing
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 jobs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they cannot obtain
the
Correct article usage
a
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 salary. One advantage of it is that
throughout
Correct word choice
while
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 focusing on their jobs, they can contribute to
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 more and feel valued
from
Change preposition
by
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 others. The opportunity to
consider
Correct word order
apply
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carefully
about
Change preposition
consider
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 business
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 the percentage of success in their career. And the success could
let
Verb problem
make
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 you
be wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
. Another advantage is that they meet with more people at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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, so they are able to get new knowledge easily, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them in some situations.
To sum up
Linking Words
, working longer than before could lead to some contractive impacts like mentioned above; yet, its
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 outcomes should not be neglected
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may include these disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Write one full paragraph on good points and one full paragraph on bad points.
task response
Add one more clear example for the good side. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Start each paragraph with a simple topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way, such as 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now feel a little unclear.
task response
You answered the question by talking about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
You included an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You gave some examples, like missing family time and getting stress.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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