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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members across the faculties of a major university in 2012

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The bar chart gives information about the proportions of academic
staff
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 members in
faculties
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, namely arts, business, education, engineering, law, medicine and science, by gender, in a major university, in the year 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be easily seen that in most
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
show examples
, there is an even
distrubution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 among the genders except the engineering faculty, wich dominates by male
staff
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. Despite the balanced proportions,
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of the male
staff
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 was higher in most of the
faculties
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, members in
faculties
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such
Linking Words
 as business, engineering, law, and science
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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had
Verb problem
were
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 dominated by male
staff
Use synonyms
,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 62%, 85%, 60% and 62%, respectively. Engineering is the faculty which has the vast majority of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, followed closely by business
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 the least percentage of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 industry by a
minour
Correct your spelling
minor
 percentage of 25%. Regarding the members in
faculties
Use synonyms
,
Education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 industry
constitute
Correct subject-verb agreement
constitutes
show examples
 the bulk of the female
staff
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 with 72%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, engineering
was hosting
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 18%. Meanwhile, sectors,
for instance
Linking Words
, arts and medicine, had more balanced
distrubutions
Correct your spelling
distributions
, which mostly had women with 58% and 50%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words staff, faculties with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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