IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that machines will eventually replace all human jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an opinion that technology, sooner or later, will be able to substitute human resources in all working spheres. I disagree with
this
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 point of view
in as much
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inasmuch
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 as
machines
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 lack emotional
intelligence
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, needed to be an effective working unit
and
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, and
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If
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if
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 not regulated correctly,
It
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it
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 may cause chaos in all business processes
due to
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 lack of human control. 
Although
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 the
idea
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 of jobs
,
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apply
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 fully operated by
machines
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 may seem appealing to most, more often than not, it is almost impossible to accomplish in most of the crucial spheres of work,
such
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 as education and healthcare.
This
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 is because working in these spheres requires not only phenomenal expertise and experience, but
also
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 a wide
sprectrum
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spectrum
 of feelings and
emotinal
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emotional
intelligence
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that is
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 vital for their success to flourish.
This
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 is mostly because doctors and teachers rely not only on their hard skills, but
also
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soft
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on their soft
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 ones in order to comfort
people
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 and find the right words to both teach and heal
people
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 successfully. To illustrate, ChatGPT, one of the most developed artificial
intelligence
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platforms
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platforms,
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 cannot distinguish simple human emotions. Until human emotions are
categorized
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categorised
show examples
,
It
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it
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 is almost impossible to imagine a robot taking over
people
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's place in the careers that are "life or death".  Yet another reason why the
idea
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 of running working processes by
machines
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 is unlikely is that it may cause negative
reppercussions
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repercussions
 because of the lack of human control.
Machines
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 may be excellent at handling routine tasks
such
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 as managing
company's
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the company's
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day to day
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day-to-day
 financial operations.
However
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, making important decisions,
such
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 as hiring and making employees
redundant
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redundant,
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 is not something that
machines
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 should be responsible
for
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for,
show examples
 as it requires not only thorough calculations of risks and benefits, but
also
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 the unique human
intelligence
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 which is unlikely to be replaced by any
machines
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 existing.
This
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 is because even a small mistake made by artificial
intelligence
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 running a machine could change
people
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's lives dramatically. A great example here can be a case in one of the most prominent IT companies in Uzbekistan. The "UzExpo" company's operational procedures were
only run
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run only
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 by AI
and
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, and
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 they were the pioneers.
This
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idea
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 was supported by
public
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the public
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 and seemed like a fresh start for a new era.
However
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, one night changed everything.
Thousand
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Thousands
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 of employees were mistakenly fired after the bug in the system, leaving them without any funds
on
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in
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 their balance, taking months to reboot the system and
settling
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settle
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 everything down.
Although
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 everything was brought back, thousands of
people
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 had to suffer, waiting
the
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for the
show examples
 top management board
making
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to make the
show examples
 needed calculations of the salary the employees were supposed to
take
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receive
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. In conclusion, even though
machines
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 are not affected by illnesses and tiredness that are very common for
people
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,
this
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 advantage can never replace the energy of a real heart and common sense, irreplaceable in most
of
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apply
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business processes.
Therefore
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, the
idea
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 of a robot replacing
people
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 in the workplace is preposterous.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you give a direct opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas in a more exact way and avoid very strong claims like 'all business processes' or 'preposterous'.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are relevant, but some points are a bit too general. Try to show more clearly why some jobs can be partly done by machines but not fully replaced.
task response
Task response: Your examples help your argument, but one example about ChatGPT is too broad and not fully proven. Use examples that are more direct and easy to believe.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-paragraph structure with an introduction, 2 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is good for IELTS.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most ideas follow in a logical order, but some sentences are too long, so the meaning becomes harder to follow. Use shorter sentences to make each point clearer.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use linking words well, such as 'Although', 'Yet another reason', and 'In conclusion'. Still, do not overuse long linkers. Simple linkers like 'also', 'because', and 'so' can sound more natural.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some parts repeat the same idea about emotion and human control. Try to develop each paragraph with one main point and avoid saying the same thing again in different words.
task response
Task response: You answer the question fully and your position is clear all the way through the essay.
task response
Task response: Your two main reasons are strong and stay on topic.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your introduction and conclusion are both present and match your opinion well.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each body paragraph has a clear main idea.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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