The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages. (Hà Vy)

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Nowadays, a vast amount of personal
data
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is collected and stored by large internet companies and organisations.
While
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this
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development offers certain benefits, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages
due to
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serious concerns about privacy and misuse of information. On the one hand, there are clear advantages to storing personal
data
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. It allows companies to provide more personalised services,
such
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as tailored advertisements, recommendations, and improved user experiences.
For example
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, streaming platforms and online shopping websites use personal
data
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to suggest content or products that match users’ preferences, which saves time and increases convenience.
In addition
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,
data
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collection can help governments and organisations improve public services and make more informed decisions in areas
such
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as healthcare and transportation.
On the other hand
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, I believe the drawbacks are more significant. The main concern is the risk to privacy, as personal
data
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can be accessed, leaked, or even stolen by hackers.
This
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may lead to identity theft, financial fraud, or other serious consequences for individuals.
Moreover
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, many companies collect more information than necessary and may use it for targeted manipulation,
such
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as influencing consumer behaviour or political opinions
without
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, without
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users’ full awareness.
This
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raises ethical concerns about how much control individuals actually have over their own
data
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. In conclusion,
although
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the use of personal
data
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can improve services and efficiency, I believe the potential risks to privacy and security are more serious.
Therefore
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, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, add one more strong example for the bad side.
task response
For task response, your ideas are relevant, but they are a bit general. Try to explain one point more deeply, for example how data can change people’s buying or voting.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and the paragraphing is good. To improve more, use a few more linking words inside paragraphs to show steps in your idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main point is clear, but support is a little short. Add one more sentence after each main idea to make it fuller.
task response
For task response, you answer the question well and clearly say that the bad side is stronger than the good side.
task response
For task response, both sides are covered, so your essay feels balanced before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear intro, body, and conclusion, so it is well organised.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your linking is natural and easy to follow, especially with phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal information = private details about a person
  • hold data = keep information
  • internet company = online business
  • organisation = a group such as a company, school, or office
  • privacy = the right to keep personal life private
  • data theft = stealing information
  • hack = enter a computer system illegally
  • fraud = dishonest use of money or information
  • fake account = a false online profile
  • security system = tools and rules to protect data
  • user permission = agreement from the user
  • convenience = ease and comfort
  • targeted ads = ads shown based on user interests
  • misuse = use in a wrong or unfair way
  • sensitive data = very private information such as health or bank details
  • protect users = keep users safe
  • lose trust = stop believing a company is honest
  • outweigh = be greater than
  • long-term harm = damage that lasts for a long time
  • strict laws = strong legal rules
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