IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

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It is
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
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 by some that social
media
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 is the easiest and
the
Rephrase
most
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 efficient way to stay connected with society members and current
informations
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information
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.
While
Linking Words
 technology has some drawbacks
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
screen
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addiction
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 and hoax spreading , I strongly believe THE ADVANTAGES
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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online
Change preposition
as online
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 communication through WhatsApp and
real time
Correct your spelling
real-time
news
Punctuation problem
news,
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 outweigh the disadvantages. The primary benefit of social
media
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 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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easy
access
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 to keep in touch with family members or friends anywhere around the world. The
real time
Correct your spelling
real-time
access
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 allowed us to easily
shared
Wrong verb form
share
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 things that happened.
For example
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, for people who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different parts of the world, they can send
about
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apply
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their life
update
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updates
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 to
WhatsApp
Correct article usage
a WhatsApp
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 group
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
, and then
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 everybody would see and know.
Futher
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Furthermore
, people can stay up to date
of
Change preposition
with
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 what is happening around the world
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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us
Use the right word
as
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 the weather.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 contributed some advantages. One major problem is
screen
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addiction
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. As people can easily gain
access
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 to everything fun, they spend most of their time online
,
Punctuation problem
. For
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for instance
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, a child would prefer to spend their day playing
game
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games
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 rather than playing outside because it contains a lot of entertaining things that
caught
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catch
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 their interest.
This
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 may cause a communication skill problem. More, not only
screen
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addiction
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,
hoax
Correct word choice
but also hoax
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 is
Linking Words
also
Correct determiner usage
one of the
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 most face-problem that happens on social
media
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. As there
thousands
Verb problem
are thousands
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of
Check wording
of pieces of
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 information updated in minutes, it is hardly difficult to
managed
Wrong verb form
manage
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 which information is genuine or not. In
conlusion
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conclusion
,
although
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 social
media
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 has negative impacts
such
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 as
screen
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addiction
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 and hoax, its advantages in
a term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of communication and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy
access
Use synonyms
 to information outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the question in a more direct way in each body part. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear example with real detail. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence to show how and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. In paragraph 2, you wrote 'advantages' when you meant 'disadvantages'. This hurts clarity.
task response
You answered both sides and gave a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples like WhatsApp, games, and news to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • stay connected
  • social media platform
  • instant message
  • share updates
  • breaking news
  • real-time information
  • false information
  • fake news
  • trusted source
  • face-to-face communication
  • screen time
  • online pressure
  • daily life
  • low-cost communication
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