IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999. Write a report for university lecturer describing the information shown below.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The line graph describes the two different trends of unemployed people in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States and in
Japan
Use synonyms
, between
March
Use synonyms
 1993 and
March
Use synonyms
 1999. From an
overall
Linking Words
 view, the two lines show a gradual decrease
of
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.
Oppositely
Correct word choice
On the other hand
show examples
, a progressive increase of the same parameter is observed in
Japan
Use synonyms
. Looking at details, in
Use synonyms
Japan
Punctuation problem
Japan,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of work force increases from almost 2.3% in
March
Use synonyms
 1993 to 3.5% in
March
Use synonyms
 1995.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
, even if with some fluctuations, remains at the same level until
March
Use synonyms
 1998.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 the unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 increases from 3.0% to 4.7%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 during the following two years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of work force decreases from 7.0% in
March
Use synonyms
 1993 to 5.5% in
March
Use synonyms
 1995 in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
. During the subsequent 18 months,
this
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 is almost the same.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of work force declines from 5.5% to 4.2% in
March
Use synonyms
 1999. It can be concluded that
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 has opposite trends in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and in
Japan
Use synonyms
, between the years 1993 and 1999.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, march, rate, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rates
  • graph
  • trend
  • changes
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • findings
  • observations
  • data
  • statistics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: