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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is said that high-earning
people
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 are more successful in their lives than those who perform responsible duties in the communities.
This
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 essay will explain both arguments,
although
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 I believe that qualified individuals are more successful as they develop strong relationships with the public and remain respected throughout their entire career. On the one hand, some
people
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 consider that financial wealth is a significant factor of success, as
people
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 demonstrate a great level of dedication and hard work. They have access of comfortable life and better healthcare options, allowing them to be consistent in their professional lives.
Moreover
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, wealth can create effective personal growth opportunities, enabling them to invest in health,
such
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 as hiring personal gym trainers and lifestyle professionals. These explanations prove that wealthy individuals experience luxary lifestyle and are the most successful persons.
On the other hand
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, professions in education and science require a significant amount of time to build a strong career.
However
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, these professionals work not only for themselves, but
also
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 serve the community by educating them for their future. These professionals educate students and provide important discoveries to a nation, which helps strengthen their connections with local
people
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 and authorities.
Additionally
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, they build respect and trust among societies and inspire
people
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 as they become remarkable personalities for the young generations. In conclusion,
although
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people
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 believe that high wealth is very crucial to show success, it is not only restricted to money. There are other perspectives which contribute to being successful in a society. Skilled individuals often encourage other
people
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 to enhance their abilities, which can result in making good relationships and interactions.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Use one clear example for each side. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your main opinion more directly in the body, not only in the introduction and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but some ideas need smoother flow inside the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences repeat the same point about respect and success. Try to add one new point in each sentence.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the topic and your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses clear paragraphing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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