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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are buying what the need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shop online.

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In recent times, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer shopping online rather than
physical
Change preposition
in physical
show examples
 stores.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend provides
convenience
Use synonyms
 for shoppers and boosts income for
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
, it may lead to
closure
Correct article usage
the closure
show examples
 of small-scale businesses and
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
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 overconsumption. One benefit of online shopping for consumers is
convenience
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 can shop from the comfort of their homes and save money on transportation costs. Those who
quite
Verb problem
live quite
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 a distance from shopping centres or may need to do bulk shopping can save their time and energy by buying online.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 can buy products online with an immediate delivery option or
a
Change preposition
within a
show examples
few days.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 offers
convenience
Use synonyms
 and reduces stress.
Additionally
Linking Words
, digital shopping promotes
business
Use synonyms
 growth, as it increases
visibilty
Correct your spelling
visibility
 and attracts potential
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the need to establish multiple physical branches may become uneccessary and
Use synonyms
business
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 can save
cost
Check wording
costs
show examples
 and focus on digital branding.
However
Linking Words
, online shopping contributes to consumerism
may
Correct pronoun usage
, which may
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 force small companies
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 close.
Due to
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increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 use of online shopping platforms and excessive advertisements,individuals are persuaded to buy things they may not
crucially
Rephrase
apply
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need, leading to wastage and overconsumption.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are
compelded
Correct your spelling
compelled
 to buy expensive products online
as a result
Linking Words
 of
celebrities
Check wording
celebrities'
show examples
 influences or consistent
advertisement
Check wording
advertisements
show examples
 on their mobile phones.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, local
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 may fail as they may not have the resources to go digital.
This
Linking Words
 is especially for businesses run by those without digital knowledge, as they may run into
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
, forcing them to close,
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing use of digital shopping. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 online shopping offers
convenience
Use synonyms
 and
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
business
Use synonyms
 growth, it drawback includes overconsumption and
decline
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
 of local businesses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to promote a better shopping experience,
people
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to patronise both physical and online stores.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You talk about people and companies, but the part about companies is not fully developed.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some points are good, but a few are too general.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and direct. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking and sentence form. Some lines are hard to follow because of missing words or wrong word form.
coherence and cohesion
Build each body paragraph around one clear main idea, then add support in a simple order.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and make sure each next sentence connects well to the one before.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: good points and bad points of online shopping.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps the reader follow your point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Convenience
  • Retail therapy
  • Cybersecurity
  • Consumer behavior
  • Digital transformation
  • Impulse purchasing
  • Customer base
  • Operational costs
  • Price comparison
  • Shipping and handling
  • Online marketplace
  • User interface
  • Customer satisfaction
  • Cryptocurrency (as newer payment method)
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