IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at university or collge is the best route to a soccessful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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People are debating
over if
Correct word choice
whether
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 studying at university or college is the best path to a successful
work
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career
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 or if it's better to go for
work
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 staight after graduating
school
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from school
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.
While
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 universities and colleges educate us academically, in my opinion
working
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, working
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 after graduation might give an advantage
due to
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 the
work
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experience
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 gained in the time that
other
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others
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 pursue a
degree
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. Universities challenge
student
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students
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 academically for a
degree
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, they get taught by professionals in
there
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their
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career
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 paths to become models and the future of a country. They
also
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 have the benefits of newer technologies, programs and educational trips that can be of use to
students
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. They are educated properly in scenarios that they might face
while
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also
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 improving their skills
such
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 as problem solving, listening and disciplines. Working after graduation can impact your
experience
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as
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, as
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 you will be working and gaining
experience
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 quite early in your life.
Secondly
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,
Some
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some
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 materials for
students
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 are mandatory in order to achieve a
degree
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 that aren't necessary for all paths,
this
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 is
due to
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 universities having to satisfy all of their
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students
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students'
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 needs and cover most of the problems that may happen in the future.
This
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 doesn't necessarily mean that all paths for the
degree
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 will encounter them.
Therefore
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, people who choose to start working early might already
experience
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 the difficulties within their
career
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 path and
gained
Verb problem
have gained
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 knowledge on how to counter them. In conclusion,
i
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I
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 firmly believe that working after graduating school can be a better path to a successful
work
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Use synonyms
career
Punctuation problem
career,
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 as you will gain
work
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experience
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 and a head start to your
career
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 that won't be present in a
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students
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student's
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 life until after finishing a couple of semesters in their
degree
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about school study and work, but the side for university needs more detail.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the middle too, not only in the end.
task response
Use one or two simple real examples to support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one clear point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like First, Also, However, For example, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences. Some ideas run together and this makes meaning less clear.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea in each body paragraph is mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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