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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays most green energy is becoming evermore prevalent in both developed and developing countries. Some argue they greatly reduce costs and are better for the environment, others believe they are a serious threat to energy security. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The popularity of green
energy
Use synonyms
 is
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 breakthrough in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries, because of the
approachable
Correct word choice
affordable
show examples
 cost and
friendy
Correct your spelling
friendly
 to nature.
However
Linking Words
, some people think that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
energy
Use synonyms
 may be a
potential
Rephrase
potentially
show examples
 dangerous issue in the future. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the green
energy
Use synonyms
 has a lot of benefits, it remains unstable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 global implementation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the implementation of green
energy
Use synonyms
 is notably believed
as
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 an alternative
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 coal
energy
Use synonyms
, because it only use nature,
such
Linking Words
 as
sun ray
Correct your spelling
sunlight
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a source of
energy
Use synonyms
. Implementing
this
Linking Words
 kind of sustainable
energy
Use synonyms
 can give each family
a
Change preposition
at
show examples
 least expenditure
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will be obviously
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
 for them.
In addition
Linking Words
, when
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous people implement
this
Linking Words
 technology, the nature
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
animal
Check wording
animals
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,
forest
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forests
show examples
, and river can be safe from the
by-product
Check wording
by-products
show examples
 of coal
energy
Use synonyms
, which has a
worst
Replace the word
worse
 effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
However
Linking Words
, the use of green
energy
Use synonyms
 might be
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 problem if there is no specific law to
rule
Verb problem
regulate
show examples
this
Linking Words
 implementation.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, numerous solar panels are applied on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the biggest
lake
Fix the agreement mistake
lakes
show examples
, namely Toba Lake, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 believed to produce high output of electricity.
This
Linking Words
 breakthrough may
obvously
Correct your spelling
obviously
 affect the stability of
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
 in nearby regions, because the solar panels could block the evaporation of water to become rain. In other
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the green
energy
Use synonyms
 ads
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 better
energy
Use synonyms
 for the world, most people may alternatively buy
this
Linking Words
 technology in their house to change the common
energy
Use synonyms
. It can
also
Linking Words
 be a serious
economy
Replace the word
economic
 threat in certain
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
, which
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the inflation balance of
region
Correct article usage
the region
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, implementing green technology could be a better breakthrough to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution.
However
Linking Words
, if there is no specific law to control
this
Linking Words
, the productivity will notably rise and will
be
Verb problem
pose a
show examples
 serious threats for economy and
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about the bad side, so the good side feels short.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear and same way from start to end. Your view is there, but some lines make it less clear.
task response
Use examples that are easy to follow and clearly linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some words like 'however' and 'in addition' are good, but some lines still feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence connects well to the next one. Some jumps in ideas make the essay less smooth.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear end.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
You use one real place example, which helps your essay feel more real.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sustainable
  • Renewable energy sources
  • Solar energy
  • Wind energy
  • Hydro energy
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Global warming
  • Climate change
  • Technology advancements
  • Economies of scale
  • Intermittent
  • Variable
  • Capital investment
  • Energy infrastructure
  • Energy storage technology
  • Energy supply
  • Energy security
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