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Band 5

Question: The chart below shows the results of a survey people coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

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The bar chart illustrates the individual's
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 buying preferences in 3 categories, namely bought fresh
coffee
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,
instant
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coffee
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks, in five Australian cities, including
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
, Brisbane,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, and
Hobart
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, an uneven distribution can be observed in each unit. In most cities, going to the
cafe
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 led the chart, except
Adelaide
Use synonyms
by
Punctuation problem
, by
show examples
 a minor difference towards
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
coffee
Punctuation problem
coffee,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was accounted for fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in each city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 witnessed different proportions among cities
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 moderate differences.
Initially
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who preferred going to a
cafe
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
consituted
Correct your spelling
constituted
 the bulk of the preference by the exact
percentage
Use synonyms
 of approximately 63%
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
Adelaide
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 prefer went to a
Use synonyms
cafe
Punctuation problem
cafe,
show examples
 stood at the bottom of the scale,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for nearly 48%. Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drinking and buying preferences of Australian
people
Use synonyms
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 general, the category of
boughting
Correct your spelling
buying
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 took the second place in each group. In
Use synonyms
Hobart
Punctuation problem
Hobart,
show examples
 there was a marked preference for
boughting
Correct your spelling
buying
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 by around 54%, followed closely by Brisbane and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
accounted
Correct pronoun usage
which accounted
show examples
 for approximately 53% and 50% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer
bought
Wrong verb form
to buy
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
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 in
Melbourne
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 surpassed
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
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 took
last
Linking Words
 place to
Sydney
Use synonyms
, by a minor 3% difference.
Finally
Linking Words
, in each unit, the minimum
percentage
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 of category was bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks. Despite its lower proportions, approximately 48%
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 prefer
bought
Wrong verb form
to buy
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, which is the highest proportion in
this
Linking Words
 category.
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 followed
Sydney
Use synonyms
 from a
distant
Replace the word
distance
 with 42% and 38%, respectively. In both Brisbane and
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 the identical proportions by 38%,
represented
Wrong verb form
representing
show examples
 the lowest share in total.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, instant, people, cafe, sydney, melbourne, adelaide, hobart, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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