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Writing Samples
Band 6

The two maps compare the changes of a community centre

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The two maps
illustarte
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the layout of a
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
center
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centre
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, at present and a decade ago.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
community
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Use synonyms
center
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centre
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 has been changed noticeably with the changes in
space
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 allocation for each room and with the introduction of new recreational areas and amenities
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the occupied
space
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 of the
community
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 hasn't
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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changed over the
10
Correct word choice
past 10
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 years. A decade ago, the
community
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Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 facilitated multiple office spaces and a graden along side with the parking
area
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
community
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Use synonyms
center
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centre
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 had more occupied
space
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 for storage, but less
space
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 for the cafe. At present, the most notable change is that the number of office rooms
count
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apply
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has been decreased from 4 to one , and now that
space
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 is allocated for a large cafe
area
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Linking Words
also
Punctuation problem
, also
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unilizing
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utilising
 the previous storage room
space
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 next to the kitchen.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the garden has tuned in to a indoor sports
area
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, which is good for the
commiunity
Correct your spelling
community
. The number of seats in the hall and the reception at the entrance hasn't been changed, but a part of the storage
area
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 near the hall took over some
space
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 for the toilet
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was previously located next to the reception and the cafe.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words community, center, space, area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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