In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that many small
shops
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have closed in recent years as more
as
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apply
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customers choose to shop at large shopping malls and centres.
While
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,
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apply
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some people may see thistrend a natural
reself
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result
of economic development, I'm convinced that it is a negative development
due to
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several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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essay . One of the most apparent disadvantages is that the decline of local
shops
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weakens community identity and local economies.
Moreover
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, if the small local
shops
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closes
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close
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, the diversity in shopping options will reduce ,
as a result
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of that people will have fewer unique or
specialized
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specialised
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products to
chose
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choose
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from .
Moreover
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,
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This
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this
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phenomenon has led to a significant reduction in their profits, forcing many to cease operations.
Consequently
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, these closures have engendered a variety of challenges for both employers and employees .
In contrast
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, people
are tending
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tend
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to shop at large malls because they find it easier to find the things they need.
Furthermore
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,
One
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one
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shop that sells everything you want means you don't have to drive all over town visiting several stores.
Also
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, as the bigger stores can buy in
bulk
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bulk,
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they can get big discounts which they can
then
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pass
onto
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on to
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the customer.
Moreover
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, it is common to find
an example
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a wide
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variety of food other than local food, including international cuisines
such
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as packaged sushi or instant ramen, with more competitive prices than small
shops
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.
To sum up
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, I think closing small stores
in
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is
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not the right thing to do , because they provide
essetial
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essential
community value, keep money local and give
neighboors
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neighbours
a unique identity .
Instead
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, we should support them, so they can thrive alongside larger businesses.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep saying why this is a negative development.
task response
Add one or two clear real life examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they stop too soon.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. You use 'moreover' many times, and this feels repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Most ideas stay on the topic of small shops and large malls.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • community character
  • specialized products
  • homogenized
  • local economy
  • circulating
  • variety
  • convenient
  • social hubs
  • infrastructure
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • energy consumption
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