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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some parts of the world people try to find out one's own family history. Why do people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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History is a crucial part of everyone's
life
Use synonyms
, and many individuals want to know about their family heritage.
Therefore
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, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 explore their grandparents' lives and experiences around the world. I believe
this
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 trend has more benefits than drawbacks, and the reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are a number of reasons why individuals should know about their past.
Initially
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, it is useful for them in future, because they will learn what mistakes
made
Verb problem
were made
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 by their ancestor in their lives, and avoid repeating
.
Correct pronoun usage
them.
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Additionally
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, understanding culture and
religion
Punctuation problem
religion,
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 it is crucial to know about the
former
Correct word choice
apply
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past
about
Change preposition
of
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 forefathers,
that help
Correct subject-verb agreement
which helps
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 to preserve the traditions.
For example
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, these days
people
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 are following
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar rituals in functions
such
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 as marriages and other ceremonies program which passed
through
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apply
show examples
down
the
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through the
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 generations.
Thus
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, there is no denying the fact that
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 is an important part to live a meaningful
life
Use synonyms
 by following the proper rituals which are made by our grandfathers.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks of
this
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 trend that
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should
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never be neglected.
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firstly
Fix capitalization
Firstly
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, some
people
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 rely
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
old rituals and never change customs.
However
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, they only chase the past, as a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
 they face difficulty
to adapt the
Correct word order
adapting to
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 modern
life
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 and comfort.
Furthermore
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, excessive interest in history
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to distress and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them stuck
into
Change preposition
in
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 old things. To cite an example, a recent survey conducted by the
renowed
Correct your spelling
renowned
 newspaper reveals that 70% individuals
have
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
the
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 ability to grab new ideas and skills, because of their orthodox mindset.
As a consequence
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, sometimes over attachment with ancient things or cultures
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 hurdles to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 their intellectual ability. In conclusion, no doubt history is a crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
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 everyone's
life
Use synonyms
, and without it masses cannot know about the past lifestyles
so
Correct word choice
, and so
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 on.
Nevertheless
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, it
has
Correct word order
also has
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also
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 some disadvantages and advantages
getting
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to getting
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knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about it. I think
limited
Verb problem
there are limited
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 things
people
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 should adapt from
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 era, and try to modify
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 lifestyle.

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task response
Answer both questions more clearly: why people do this, and if it is good or bad.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some points need more full support and clearer detail.
task response
Use one strong example and explain it more simply.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. Use simple linking words like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Keep sentences shorter and put one idea in one sentence.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion.
task response
You included both good and bad sides before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
You used clear paragraphing with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic logical order in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • lineage
  • ancestry
  • descendants
  • heritage
  • genealogy
  • forebears
  • family tree
  • genetic predisposition
  • legacy
  • inheritance
  • cultural roots
  • societal changes
  • historical records
  • archival research
  • DNA testing
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