IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

QUESTION: The education system is the only critical factor in the development of a country, agree/disagree

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Although
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in the development of a
country
Use synonyms
, it is argued that it is the
determinant
Replace the word
determining
factor
Use synonyms
 on whether
yhis
Correct your spelling
this
country
Use synonyms
 is progressing or not. I largely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because a government needs to be guided with strong leadership abilities and strict
regulutions
Correct your spelling
regulations
, and globalisation is a vital
factor
Use synonyms
 that leads
countries
Use synonyms
 to achieve success collectively. One of the major reasons why we cannot consider
education
Use synonyms
 as the decisive
factor
Use synonyms
 is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 a strong academic curriculum without being led under strong hands and
regulutions
Correct your spelling
regulations
 will not make that tangible progress. We cannot deny that
education
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 contributed to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the essential life sectors, including healthcare and technology, which makes life easy and provides better wellbeing. The government needs to incorporate strong regulutions to the educational system to really benefit from the outcomes.
For instance
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, encouraging companies to
recruite
Replace the word
recruit
 students once they graduate contributes significantly to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 unemployment rates
while
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 leading the
country
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's economy to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stability.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, internationalisation has a profound impact on the world, which
cotributes
Correct your spelling
contributes
 by bringing
countries
Use synonyms
 together, sharing,
developping
Correct your spelling
developing
 and encouraging ideas from all over the world.
While
Linking Words
 integrating
countries
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 in the global integration, they are likely to
be benifted
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from the advancements, and they will work to tackle their internal issues.
For example
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,
South-Africa
Punctuation problem
South Africa
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 solved the debt issues that has been suffering with
due to
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 collaboration with
china
Fix capitalization
China
show examples
 for common benefits.
As a result
Linking Words
, globalisation has a great sense in the development of a
country
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, which solves
problem
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problems
show examples
 and strengthens bonds between
countries
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
education
Use synonyms
 is a crucial
factor
Use synonyms
 in the
achievent
Replace the word
achievements
 that a
country
Use synonyms
 may make, strong leadership abilities and global integration are essential to make that tangible progress.

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task response
Task response: Your main view is clear because you disagree, but say this even more directly in the first paragraph and keep the same line all through the essay.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are good, but some parts are too general. Add one more clear reason or explain each reason more fully.
task response
Task response: Your examples are helpful, but they need to be more exact and easy to trust. A simple and clear example is better than a wide claim.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear paragraph plan with introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make sure each body paragraph has one main idea only, then explain it and give one example.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion: education is important, but not the only key factor.
task response
You give two main reasons for your view: strong leadership and global links. This gives your essay a good base.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as although, for instance, furthermore, and to conclude.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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