IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some parts of the world people try to find out one's own family history. Why do people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The trend of discovering the family's
history
Use synonyms
 is in a great increase over the world.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss that curiosity is the engine
beyond
Change preposition
behind
show examples
this
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 trend, and from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
this
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 is a positive development because the amount of knowledge will be followed by these actions is
incridible
Correct your spelling
incredible
. On the one hand,
history
Use synonyms
enthusiats
Correct your spelling
enthusiasts
 are known
that they are
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 curious, and they like to get acquainted
about
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with
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 historical monuments and explore places deeply.
This
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 differentiation has led
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this kind of
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
people
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 to discover the
history
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 of their families through tracing their actions, and learning about their lives.
This
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 step usually starts
by
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with
show examples
 interesting things
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
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 discovered in museums that reflect
to
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apply
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the old life
people
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were experiencing
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 in the past.
For example
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, villagers in Algeria started following sculptures that
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 written on the walls two-thousand years ago in order to dig for gold. From my perspective,
this
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 action will have a profound impact on the individuals they
because
Verb problem
are because
show examples
 it will give them a clear picture
about
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of
show examples
 their offspring, and equip them with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great knowledge. That means,
people
Use synonyms
 will greatly learn about the old behaviours, how
people
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 were trying to cope under the tough circumstances, and treat diseases.
For instance
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, through these actions,
people
Use synonyms
 here in Algeria found out
a
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about a
show examples
plant that decreases the
sugary
Replace the word
sugar
 levels when they are on a mountain.
To conclude
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,
peoplr
Correct your spelling
people
 are eager
to
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for
show examples
 information and curiousity what leads them to discover the
history
Use synonyms
 of their families.
People
Use synonyms
 will gain a great foundation
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their offspring
while
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practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
this
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 action.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly: why people do this, and if it is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea clear in each body paragraph, then explain it with one strong reason.
task response
Use examples that match family history, not general history.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way with words like first, also, for example, and in short.
task response
Check meaning carefully. Some ideas are hard to follow, so your message is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in each paragraph. Do not move from family history to gold or plants unless you clearly connect it.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You give your opinion clearly: you think it is positive.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lineage
  • ancestry
  • descendants
  • heritage
  • genealogy
  • forebears
  • family tree
  • genetic predisposition
  • legacy
  • inheritance
  • cultural roots
  • societal changes
  • historical records
  • archival research
  • DNA testing
What to do next:
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