IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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In the digital era,
video
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games
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 are easier and more affordable to play.
People
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 can play the
games
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 through their smartphones anytime and anywhere. Unfortunately, some
people
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 get addicted to playing
video
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games
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, which causes some negative effects.
This
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 essay will explain the side effects of playing
video
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games
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. Some gamers can play online
games
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 for almost 24 hours per day.
As a result
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, they do not have enough time for sleeping and doing other
activities
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. They prefer to stay awake
instead
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 of sleeping in order to achieve a higher level for their game. Not only that, since gamers tend to stay in front of a computer or screen, they have limited physical
activities
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. If
this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 persists, it could increase the risk of
health
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 problems in the future. A study found that
people
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 who were playing
games
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 for more than 12 hours per day had lower
health
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 conditions
due to
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 a lack of physical
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activities
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activity
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.
Furthermore
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, their
health
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 conditions were aggravated by the long duration of sitting in front of the screen.
Additionally
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, in some cases,
video
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games
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 can ruin personal lives and
activities
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. It happens because
people
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 cannot stop playing
games
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. For some
people
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, the competition in
games
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 is very addictive, and they do not have the self-control to know when to stop it.
For example
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, a survey revealed that some students in Indonesia choose to skip their learning sessions at school because they want to play
games
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 with their friends. In conclusion, playing
video
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games
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 can cause addiction, which leads to negative impacts. With getting addicted to
the
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apply
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games
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,
people
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 can have worse
health
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 conditions in the long run
due to
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 the lack of
activities
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 and bad sleep qualities.
Moreover
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, the addiction to
video
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games
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 can
also
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 affect social lives.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on some points to provide a more balanced view of video games. For instance, mention any potential benefits of playing video games to present a more comprehensive argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more fluidly. For example, use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through your points more seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided specific examples that illustrate your points well, which enhances the clarity of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible outcomes
  • excessive screen time
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • prolonged exposure
  • violent or addictive video games
  • increased aggression
  • social withdrawal
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • multiplayer games
  • emotional well-being
  • stress relief
  • mental relaxation
  • unwind
  • escape from daily pressures
What to do next:
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