IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some parts of the world people try to find out one's own family history. Why do people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are many types of people in the world, and some of them
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to figure out
one's
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 very personal family history.
This
Linking Words
 behavior come from various reasons,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one's own
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 or lack of education. Briefly speaking, I think
this
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 is a very negative situation. First of all, some
parts of the world people
Correct word order
people in the world
show examples
 dig
information
Change preposition
into information
show examples
 about
third-speaker's
Check wording
third parties'
show examples
 own family history.
This
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 may come from the lack of domestic education. As we grow up, we don't have a strict standard
at
Change preposition
for
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 behaving or talking. In
this
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 extent, parents' role is important because by educating their children to formulate the
righ
Correct your spelling
right
 attitudes.
For example
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, my father, who is the main
breeder
Punctuation problem
breeder,
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 had shown me
a
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apply
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proper
behavings
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behaviour
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 in various circumstances, and
also
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, 'do not try to look out for
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 private story' is involved in that attitude.
However
Linking Words
, the one who
haven't
Correct subject-verb agreement
hasn't
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 arranged to do so makes an unmorale problems. In my opinion,
this
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 case is negative because it
occurs
Verb problem
leads to
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 bad inspirations and causes trouble when they want to make
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 relationship. For me, I had a friend once, but she
instantanously
Correct your spelling
instantly
 asked me
my
Change preposition
about my
show examples
 parents' occupations
while
Linking Words
 we
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 been connected
just for
Correct word order
for just
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 a week.
This
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 affair made me
a
Verb problem
feel
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 bad
feeling to
Change preposition
about
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 her,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
so
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 I stopped reaching
her
Change preposition
out to her
show examples
. In conclusion, there are people who
misbehaved
Wrong verb form
misbehave
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 because of the lack of early education from their parents. It results
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
bad
corelation
Correct your spelling
correlation
 with your friends, relatives, and coworkers.
Uncencored
Correct your spelling
Uncensored
 curiosities sometimes stimulies other's sensitive aspects.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: why people do this, and why you think it is bad.
task response
Your main idea is not fully on topic. The question is about people finding their own family history, not other people asking about private family facts.
task response
Give 2 or 3 clear reasons, such as wanting to know identity, culture, or past family events.
task response
Your example is personal, but it does not match the topic well. Use an example about learning your family past.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear main idea in each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words clearly: First, Second, For example, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning changes. Keep the same subject and idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Topic sentences are present, but body support is weak. Add one clear explanation after each main point.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give your opinion clearly: you think it is negative.
task response
You try to use an example from your own life.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph order, so the essay has some structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lineage
  • ancestry
  • descendants
  • heritage
  • genealogy
  • forebears
  • family tree
  • genetic predisposition
  • legacy
  • inheritance
  • cultural roots
  • societal changes
  • historical records
  • archival research
  • DNA testing
What to do next:
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