IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that investing in healthcare is more important than education. To what extent , do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals argue that investment in
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is
crucial
Rephrase
more crucial
show examples
 than
education
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. I believe that investment both in
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
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 is important and it should be in balance, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education
Use synonyms
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a foundation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 and
healthcare
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 is important for wellbeing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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. There is
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
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 of investing in
education
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 as well. If the government spends more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 than
Use synonyms
healthcare
Change preposition
on healthcare
show examples
, the students from shool year may take advantage of it, and study hard in order to achieve their goals, and there might be some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 whose goal is to boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 in the future. If those students
students
Remove the redundancy
apply
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study hard,
then
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 they might start their own business and
making
Wrong verb form
make
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money
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, which means that there is a higher
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 of investing in
healthcare
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 in the future.
Thus
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, spending
money
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
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 might be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good
society
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.
On the other hand
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, there is
also
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beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
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 side
of
Change preposition
to
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 investing the
money
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 in
healthcare
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.
Firstly
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, if the private and government
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 invest the
money
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 in
Use synonyms
healthcare
Punctuation problem
healthcare,
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then
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 there is a higher probability of good
qulaty
Correct your spelling
quality
 of
health
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 among elderlies. Some older
people
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 do not have their children or the person who takes care of them, and in
this
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 case, the
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
 can take
of
Check wording
care of
show examples
 them and boost the
healthcare
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 among elderlies. Younger
people
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 might
also
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 be interested in
healthcare
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 as well, since the government spending is on
healthcare
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, meaning that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
healthcare
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 services or the
healthy drug production
Correct word order
production of healthy drugs
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 may cost
at
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apply
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a low price.
Then
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, individuals start spending their time and
money
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into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own
health
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,
boostinf
Correct your spelling
boosting
 the
qualit
Correct your spelling
quality of
health
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 among
people
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 in
society
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.
Thus
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,
while
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 the govenrment invest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
, and in
this
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 case, if
people
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will
Wrong verb form
apply
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take the advantage fully,
then
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 it will be beneficial for
society
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, as
people
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 may start to take care of themselves and the
givernment
Correct your spelling
government
 starts to care more about the
health
Use synonyms
 of elderlies. In conclusion, investing both in
healthcare
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 and
education
Use synonyms
 is very crucial
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it should be balanced, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is a stepping stone
of the
Change preposition
to a
show examples
 good
society
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is crucial for
prosperity
Correct article usage
the prosperity
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question. You say you disagree, but your essay mostly says both are important. State your position in one clear line and keep it the same in all body parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Add one clear reason and one simple example in each body paragraph.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, say how better schools can train more doctors, or how better hospitals can help workers stay healthy.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph ideas easier to follow. Start each body paragraph with one clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Use clear words like First, Also, For example, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea many times. This will make your writing more smooth and strong.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You discuss both education and healthcare, so your essay covers the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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