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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The map and chart below show the information for the global willingness to eat insect based products and the current price for certain food available on the market place.

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The given map provides a visual representation of global preferences for insect-based
products
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, with percentages indicating the
willingness
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 and unwillingness for each country.
Overall
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, it is immediately clear that Mexico has the most preparation for
such
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 types of
products
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,
while
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 Japan records the lowest
willingness
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. In terms of countries that are preparing to eat insect
products
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, Mexico registers the highest percentage by 71%.
Also
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, Peru has a high proportion for accept the market of
this
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 type of food , 58%, followed by Thailand with closly figure 56%.
On the other hand
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, Brazil and China show a moderate
willingness
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 to these food
products
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 ( 45% and 44% , respectively).
In addition
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, multiple countries have lower preparation for insect
products
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.
Firstly
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, Britain has registers 36% of
willingness
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.
Firstly
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, in South Africa, the
willingness
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 of
such
Linking Words
 market registers 39%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the map key shows that Britain shows 39%, followed by Australia , 34% .
Then
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 India and Spain have a record 33% for each.
Furthermore
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, Russia has just 32% of
willingness
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 for insect food.
Finally
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, Japan has registered the lowest percentage among all the given countries by 21%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "firstly, such".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words products, willingness with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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