IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finising high school and starting university studies. discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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In some parts of the world, young people are encouraged to work one
year
Use synonyms
 after finishing high school.
While
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this
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 break offers significant benefits, it
also
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 poses some risks.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages for individuals who want to do it.
To begin
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 with, school leavers at the age of eighteen often have a very limited understanding of how society functions. Without exposure to the workplace and knowledge of different industries, it is hard for them to choose long-term career jobs. It is widely known that some pupils switch their university programmes after their first
year
Use synonyms
 of university simply because they were unsure about their goals at the outset. Volunteering and a
year
Use synonyms
 spent gaining work experience can
therefore
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 help young individuals to
be
Verb problem
make
show examples
 informed academic decisions.
On the other hand
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, breaking without guidance can
end up with
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lead to
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 procrastination and loss of motivation.
For instance
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, many students travel and partying in their break,
then
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 struggle to focus and
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 important tasks, when college begins
and
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, and
show examples
 eventually drop out.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family support is essential for not procrastinating. Families should implement a plan for their children and set clear objectives
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such
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, such
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 as saving a specific amount of money
to
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, to
show examples
 prevent the
year
Use synonyms
 from extending indefinitely. Teachers
also
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 provide career counselling for balancing the momentum. In conclusion, a well-spent
one-yearyear
Correct your spelling
one-year
 gap can be beneficial and powerful for self-improvement and self-discovery. With thoughtful actions, most people gained a purposeful university experience.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task in a more full way. You talk about good and bad points, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Make your ideas more clear with simpler and more direct sentences.
task response
Give examples that are more specific and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts connect well, but a few sentences feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and grammar because small errors make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point fully explained before you move to the next one.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: the good side and the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use an example about students changing courses, and this helps support your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and this helps the reader follow your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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