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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As technology develops, more shopping and business is done through the internet while communication face to face becomes less frequent. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, most shopping and business are processed through the internet
as a result
Linking Words
 of technology's development. Face-to-face purchasing has
therefore
Linking Words
 become less frequent, as people rely on digital platforms.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and support them with relevant examples. To commence, its undenyable that the internet is a crucial part of human life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
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, most entrepreneurs decide to do their business through online markets in order to sell their products globally. Selling items online helps both customers and
customers
Check wording
sellers
show examples
 to purchase easily.
For instance
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, a survey revealed that local small businesses have seen a 35% growth
thereafter
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 focusing on digital marketing. Marketing products globally can result in dramatic changes for a company , which can be clearly seen in modern society.
However
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, the coin of
this
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 situation even has a second phrase.
To begin
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, since most of the suppliers are moving towards technology, it has led to fewer job opportunities , leading to a drop in the country's economic growth.
For example
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, in Azerbaijan, when a person used to visit a shop, there were employees assisting customers in finding what they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 by providing advice and recommending suitable products, which makes shopping faster and more efficient than online shopping.
Nevertheless
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, since online shopping was introduced ,
this
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 category of job profile has taken a serious hit.
To sum up
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, online shopping can have some beneficial advantages,but one has to be mindful enough to know the value of face-to-face communication.
On the contrary
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, sometimes emails
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 phone calls cannot solve a problem when face-to-face talking is just enough.

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task response
Give a clear answer from the start. Say if this change is mainly good or mainly bad.
coherence and cohesion
Write ideas in a more direct way. Some parts are hard to follow.
task response
Support each main point with a clear reason and one strong example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Sometimes they do not fit the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea only.
task response
Explain why online business is good or bad in more depth.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The overall order of ideas is mostly clear.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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