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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Around the world, only a few languages are increasing in use, the use of many other languages is declining. It is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, as we are living in a fully modernised world, only some particular
languages
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 are being spoken by a great number of individuals , dramatically declining the usage of other
languages
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 .
Although
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this
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 has some negative effects, I believe that, taken as a whole, it is a favourable trend. It could be argued that relaying solely in single
language
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 results in
language
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 and culture loss, causing a global issue that affects identity, heritage and social cohesion. In many societies ,
language
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 can not be the main tool for communication , but
also
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 acts as a form of history, memories and traditions among
people
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 , and when
people
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 start using only major
languages
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such
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 as English, Russian, or even Spanish, the other
languages
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 start to vanish , losing their value.
For example
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 , as we are living in a competitive world, many youngsters may prioritise learning globally popular
languages
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 in order to develop their employment field in the future.
However
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, despite these arguments,
i
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I
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 believe
this
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 change can be considered as a positive shift. When
public
Correct article usage
the public
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share
Correct subject-verb agreement
shares
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 a common accent for talking about their problems, daily lives, and experiences, cross-border interaction becomes easier and much smoother. By using the same
language
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 when interacting with
people
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 enhance their social bonding
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. As
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as a result
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, they will make new international friends and find new
people
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 with whom they have the same mindset all over the world. these change
also
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 benefits global international corporation . Shared
language
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 like English helps the government, companies and organisations work together efficiently.
therefore
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 using a common
language
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 allows ideas , discoveries , and new modern innovations to be spread faster and more quickly. In conclusion,
while
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 the usage of a few
languages
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 results in cultural loss, there are some favourable benefits that appear when sharing the same
language
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 ,
such
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 as enhancing social bonding and global international corporation

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task response
Answer the question more directly in the first paragraph. Say clearly why you think it is more positive than negative.
task response
Give one more clear example to support each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler and more careful way. Some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas do not connect smoothly to the next one.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea in each body paragraph is mostly easy to see.
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