IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more business meetings and business trainings are taking place online. 🔸Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Most of the
businesses
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 and workplace gatherings are conducted online at present
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, over
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over the
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instead of
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 traditional in-person
meetings
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to
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, to
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be aligned
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align
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 with the developing technology and opinions of
people
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 on online workplaces. There are multiple reasons for
people
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 to favour completing
wokr
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work
 via
internet
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the internet
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and
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, and
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 one of the main
reason
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reasons
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 is
time
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 saving beacuse the
employees
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 can reduce the
time
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 taken for
the
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apply
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transportation to the offices or
in person
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in-person
meetings
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 and use their
time
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 efficiently.
Furthermore
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, the cost of transportation is a major expense for adults who are working in-person
where
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, whereas
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 online workplaces are praised for saving money.Many
businesses
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 make an effort to be
prallel
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parallel
 with the high end softwares
which
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, which
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 usually
affect
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affects
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 lots of
businesses
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and
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, and
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 it is a major advantage to conduct online
meetings
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 and training where the
employees
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 can be adjusted to the knowledge on technology.
However
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,there are some drawbacks
on
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to
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 online business gatherings
and
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, and
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major
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a major
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 one is the differences in the level of digital literacy of co-staff in a
business
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business,
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 where some online
meeting
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meetings
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 or training can cause discomfort to
people
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 with low digital literacy or
people
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 who have been adjusted to the traditional in- person
meetings
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.
Moreoever
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Moreover
,
eventhough
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even though
 the
businesses
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 via online
does
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do
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 not
cost transportation
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incur transportation costs
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, it does carry a huge
expense
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expenses
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 for
the
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apply
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electricity and internet
where
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, which
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 most
of the
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apply
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employees
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 see
online
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apply
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meetings
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 as a
disadvantage
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disadvantage,
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 as that cost is solely
depend
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dependent
 on
themselves
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themselves,
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whereas
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such
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 expenses are
coveered
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covered
 by
business
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the business
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 itself if they were
hold
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held
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 in-person.There can be other obstacles
for the
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to
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 online work
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such
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, such
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 as technical errors
which
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, which
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 can postpone the
meetings
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wasting
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, wasting
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the
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apply
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time
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.
Regrdless
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Regardless
 of the
disadvantages
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disadvantages,
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 many
businesses
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 prefer online
meeting
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meetings
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 and
trainings
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training
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 because the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.Even from the
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employees
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employees'
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 perspectives ,
majority
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the majority
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 choose online
meeting
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meetings
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 rather than in-person consultations
due to
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 the
eefctiveness
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effectiveness
 and usefulness in
mainitaining
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maintaining
 the daily schedules and balancing
the
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apply
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life and work.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points in your view.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your ideas, such as travel time, office cost, or internet problems.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences are long and hard to follow, so split them into shorter ones.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are generally easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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