IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

n some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 age of having their first baby is surging compared to the past. The key reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the trend are
appearance
Correct article usage
the appearance
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 and
delay
Correct article usage
the delay
show examples
 of
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
marraige
Correct your spelling
marriage
 age.
Although
Linking Words
 many people assume that giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth as soon as possible is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
 for
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
for
Change preposition
of the
show examples
mother
Use synonyms
 and
babies
Use synonyms
, I believe it is better
that having
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
 children after the parents are ready to take care of their children.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Many households in
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation have their first child when they are young,
as beginning of
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 20s or just after
graduation of schools
Replace the word
graduating from school
 or
universities
Check wording
university
show examples
. In
late
Correct article usage
the late
show examples
 10s or early 20s, the
opportunities
Check wording
risk
show examples
 of having disabled
babies
Use synonyms
 or being killed during birth is substantially lower than after 30s or 40s. In common,
speed
Correct article usage
the speed
show examples
 of
recovering
Replace the word
recovery
 after giving
births
Check wording
birth
show examples
 can be extremely faster than
older
Correct pronoun usage
that of older
show examples
women
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more opportunities to challenge in
academical
Replace the word
academic
 fields or workforces in the
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 world than 20
decades
Check wording
years
show examples
 ago. The ratio of working
women
Use synonyms
incredibly has
Correct word order
has incredibly
show examples
 increased and
Use synonyms
women
Fix capitalization
Women
show examples
 have gradually less time to take care of their
babies
Use synonyms
 at home. It is severely hard to complete both roles of
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
mother
Use synonyms
 and
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 at the same time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wedding has skyrocketed
than
Correct word choice
compared to
show examples
 before. Because of
competition
Correct article usage
the competition
show examples
of getting
Change preposition
for
show examples
 decent jobs and
preparation
Correct article usage
the preparation
show examples
 of
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
 @. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 many people know
having
Correct word choice
that having
show examples
first
Correct determiner usage
their first
show examples
babies
Use synonyms
 in younger age
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more advantage of
mother
Use synonyms
 and
babies
Use synonyms
both
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, without any cultural changes in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 considering
Use synonyms
mother
Check wording
mothers
show examples
 and pregnant
more
Check wording
women more
show examples
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is very hard to try to have
babies
Use synonyms
 in
20s
Correct determiner usage
their 20s
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why people have children later, and then say if the good points are more than the bad points.
task response
Give one clear view all through the essay. Your last view is clear, but some body parts do not fully support it.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Each body paragraph should have one main point and then explain it well.
task response
Use simple real examples to support your ideas, like job cost, house cost, or child care cost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure: start, body, end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make linking between ideas smoother. Use words like First, Also, As a result, and However in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts stop too early or are not finished. Finish each idea fully so the reader can follow you.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one paragraph for reasons and one paragraph for advantages and disadvantages. This will make the essay easier to read.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion in the end.
task response
You mention real reasons such as women’s work and later marriage.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like Although, However, and Moreover.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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