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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more people prefer to work remotely from home rather than going to a traditional office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

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Began with the 21st century,
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
becoming to the
Wrong verb form
has reached a
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 peak level rapidly,
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
and as a result
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this
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Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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more
Rephrase
apply
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tend to make their lifestyle easier.
While
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people
Use synonyms
looking
Verb problem
are looking
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 for
an
Correct article usage
apply
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ease, now they get
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 remotely from home
except
Punctuation problem
, except
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 going office.
However
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, in my point of view, it's got
both
Use synonyms
 advantages and
disadavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. So
this
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 essay will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 reasons and examples for my position. Working remotely became more popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all around the world after
comes with
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the global pandemic back in 2020.
However
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, it's became a most popular working
method
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 for
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 with computers.
As a result
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, with
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
Use synonyms
method
Punctuation problem
method,
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both
Use synonyms
 employees and
employers
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 experienced
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of advantages.
Such
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 as, employees they could able to make
comfortable
Correct determiner usage
their
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 own
Use synonyms
work
Correct word choice
comfortable work
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 space, they could able to save time and money by quiting that they used to
go
Correct determiner usage
the
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 traditional office
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they could get more time to spend with their family. When
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this
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 comes to
employers
Use synonyms
,
even they could
Correct word order
they are even
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 able to cut unwanted costs that they used to spend maintain offices and utility bills. So no
doubted
Replace the word
doubt
this
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method
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 every office
workers
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
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 and
employers
Use synonyms
 works easier. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the unexpected outcomes
occurs
Correct subject-verb agreement
occur
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 as disadvantages,
due to
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this
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 realised those incomes from public transportation
becoming
Verb problem
were becoming
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 low. Obviously, there are more than half of
employers
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currently
Verb problem
are currently
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 being
work
Use synonyms
 remotly.
Moreover
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, the money circulation
even
Verb problem
has even
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get
Verb problem
apply
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decreased among supermarkets and other merchandise.
As a result
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,
this
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 problem
made
Verb problem
had
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 a hidden impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the economic growth.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 remotely about to face health issues
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
exercises
Check wording
exercise
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. Because they missed their regular exercise that happened
while
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 going to
work
Use synonyms
. Considering these issues, there are significant disadvantages yet to come in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future In conclusion,
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 new trend,
work
Use synonyms
 from home still being adapting to the whole world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we may have
both
Use synonyms
 good and bad outcomes. Maintaining
this
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 new
method
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in a balanced way would make the system way better.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. You talk about good and bad points, but some ideas are too short.
task response
Add clearer examples. For example, say what kind of worker saves time, or how a company saves money.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Start one paragraph with worker benefits, and another with social and health problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Support each point with one clear reason or one clear example.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Some ideas are relevant, such as saving time, saving money, and health problems.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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