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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

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The line graph compares the
number
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 of
shop
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closures
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 and
openings
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 in one country from 2011 to 2018
Overall
Linking Words
, the
shop
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openings
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 exhibited a downward trend throughout the period,
whilist
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whilst
 the
number
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 of
shop
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closures
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 fluctuated considerably
along with
Linking Words
 a noticeable dip during the mid period.
In
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At
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 the beginning of the timeframe, the
shop
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openings
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 represented the peak value of the graph, which was at around 8500, even higher than the
number
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 of
shop
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clousures
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closures
 in 2011.
Linking Words
Thereafter
Punctuation problem
Thereafter,
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 the figures decreased over time with a gradual peak
at
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in
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 2014,
then
Linking Words
 levelled off relatively after 2015. In the initial years, the figure for the
shop
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closures
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 were at arround 6500, followed by the
higest
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highest
 point during the
timframe
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timeframe
, in 2013.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after both the numbers of
shop
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closures
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 and
openings
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 were nearly identical, the value
drmatically
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dramatically
 plunged in 2015, recording the lowest
number
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 for
shop
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closures
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, figures recovered within a year and levelled off from 2016 to 2018.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shop, closures, openings with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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