IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The growth in modern technology has made
access
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 to
information
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 very easy in many parts of the world.
This
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 essay agrees that it is a negative development.
This
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 is because anyone can have
access
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 to someone's personal
information
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 through social media
sites
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.
Moreover
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, young children get exposed to mature content online
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may negatively affect their minds.
To begin
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 with, technological advancement has made
access
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 to private
information
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 very easy.
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people
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People
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 post their personal
information
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 on social media
sites
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which
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, which
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 can be used by hackers to perform cyber crimes and do scams with innocent
people
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.
For instance
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, many scammers
retrive
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retrieve
show examples
 personal
information
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 from social media
sites
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 and create a fake profile to scam others .
Moreover
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,
AI generated
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AI-generated
 and
photoshop
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Photoshop
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 photos can be used to blackmail
people
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 and demand money in return.
Secondly
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, rapid and uncontrolled
access
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 to
information
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 online
allow
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allows
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 underage
childern
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children
 to get exposed to mature and unethical websites. These websites have content which may not be appropriate for their age and can negatively affect their intellectual development.
For example
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, many adult movies are easily
accesible
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accessible
 to everyone on popular
sites
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, like Netflix and YouTube. These movies show
voilence
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violence
 and foul language
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 young children may adopt,
thus
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 negatively affecting their personality development. TO sum it up,
although
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 modern technology has made
access
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 to knowledge and education easier, it can
also
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 be used to
perfom
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perform
 cyber crimes and make innocent
people
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their victim
Fix the agreement mistake
its victims
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, younger
gernerate
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generations
 get
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
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 to mature content which can have
negative
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a negative
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affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on their minds
and
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, and
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thus
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 it is
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
 to our society.

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task response
Make your main view more clear all through the essay. You agree, so keep this line strong in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain how and why in a more full way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use capital letters and full stops more carefully. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, but some parts can join more smoothly.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view from the start.
task response
Your two main points are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
There is both an introduction and a conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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