IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think this is a good idea for young people to take on these positions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals believe that youth are not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
able to handle higher positions in the government,
while
Linking Words
 others want the reverse of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and
following
Wrong verb form
will be followed
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 by
give
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apply
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my opinion. Some folks who are in favour of young
people
Use synonyms
 give some reasons to justify their views. The most apparent reason is that youth know better
technology
Use synonyms
 than older
people
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, these days
technology
Use synonyms
 is mostly
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 in
high position
Correct word choice
high-level
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 jobs to finish work fast , and
youngsters
Use synonyms
 are better
in
Change preposition
at
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this
Linking Words
 .
For instance
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, as per a recent survey, 90% of
technology
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 is
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 by
youngsters
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 bigger companies to finish their
task
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tasks
show examples
 faster.
In addition
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,
youngster
Check wording
youngsters
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 will understand
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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 better than older
people
Use synonyms
 because
youngsters
Use synonyms
 can check on the internet to resolve these issues fast. Those guys who believe that youth is not suitable for
this
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 position provided some evidence to prove their stance. The major reason is
Use synonyms
youngsters
Correct word choice
that youngsters
show examples
 have less experience
by
Change preposition
,
show examples
 which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
make
Verb problem
lead to
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 big
mistake
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mistakes
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. To clarify,
on
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in
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 upper ranks
on
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of
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 jobs,
people
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 have to work very carefully, and only old
people
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 who have worked
whole
Correct determiner usage
their whole
show examples
 life will
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to resolve the issues faster.
For example
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,
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 when
government
Correct article usage
a government
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 department
hire
Correct subject-verb agreement
hires
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 higher
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
,
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then first they
Correct word order
they first
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 send them to older
people
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 so they can train them, which is just the wastage of money.
Furthermore
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,
youngster
Check wording
youngsters
show examples
 can get
confuse
Replace the word
confused
 when they
got them
Verb problem
are
show examples
 in
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
show examples
 situation
by
Change preposition
,
show examples
 which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can make mistake. To recapitulate, higher ranks in early ages will make
youngsters
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confuse
Replace the word
confused
 and increase the chances of mistakes
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whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 young
people
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 know better
technology
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will help to work fast and
easy
Replace the word
easily
. In my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 should be hired at higher positions in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples

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task response
Task response: You discuss both sides and give your view, so the task is done. But your ideas are often too general. Add clearer reasons and explain them more.
task response
Task response: Your examples are not strong enough. Try to use one clear and real example, or a simple but direct example that clearly supports your point.
task response
Task response: Your opinion is given at the end, but it would be better if your position was clearer from the start and stayed the same all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-part structure: intro, one side, other side, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking is weak or wrong, such as 'following by give my opinion' and 'want the reverse of this trend'. Use simple linkers like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because the order of ideas is not always clear. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some points need better support. For example, when you say young people use technology better, explain how this helps in government work, not only in company work.
task response
You answered all parts of the question: both views and your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You used separate paragraphs for different ideas, which helps the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main points and gives your final view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Experience and wisdom
  • Fresh perspective
  • Innovative ideas
  • Contemporary issues
  • Energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Emerging trends
  • Enthusiasm
  • Stability
  • Maintaining the status quo
  • Maturity and responsibility
  • Risk-taking
  • Far-reaching consequences
  • In touch with
  • Representative governance
  • Historical examples
  • Proven track record
  • Changing dynamics
  • Fresh leadership
  • Modern issues
What to do next:
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