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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts illustrate information on the location and types of dance
classes
Use synonyms
 for young people in a town in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, private studios recorded the highest percentage of attendance,
while
Linking Words
 college-based studios represented the lowest percentage. In terms of types, ballet was more popular among those under 11,
whereas
Linking Words
 modern
classes
Use synonyms
 were preferred by the 11–16
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, private studios accounted for the largest proportion at 48%, followed by school halls at 24%,
while
Linking Words
 community halls came next at 18%. The remaining percentage was 10% for other locations. Regarding the types of dance
classes
Use synonyms
, ballet had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in the under-11
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, at around 600. Tap
classes
Use synonyms
 came next with approximately 450
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 modern
classes
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 at about 300.
In contrast
Linking Words
, for the 11–16
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, modern
classes
Use synonyms
 accounted for the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
, at around 510. Tap
classes
Use synonyms
followed with
Verb problem
had
show examples
 about 420
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 ballet had the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, age, group, number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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