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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries,primary and secondary schools close for two month or more in the summer holidays.what this the value of long school holidays ?what are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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It is argued that pupils are spending more vacation time of two months or more, which is provided by primary and secondary schools.
While
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 spending
holidays
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 makes
students
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 feel at ease, I believe it is a negative development. There are a number of reasons why long
holidays
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 are an essential part of
students
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' lives who are currently studying at primary and secondary schools. One main reason is that they can mitigate the impact of stress after a long period of study, which is helpful
to become
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in becoming
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 more productive.
Students
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 can spend more time with families, which reinforces stronger student relationships.
Besides
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, in summer, the sun produces more heat, leading to warmer weather, which is detrimental for primary and high school
students
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, so long
holidays
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 may allow them to stay safe
in the house
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at home
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.
Finally
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, they can have the opportunity to visit their relatives and different natural places,
such
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 as mountains, parks, and the sea, and it helps them learn about places.
In addition
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,
although
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 longer
holidays
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 make it possible for
students
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 to forget about lessons, shorter school
holidays
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 prevent forgetting lessons. Pupils may be involved in digital platforms,
such
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 as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, and these are counterproductive apps, which encourage
students
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 to be addicted to them. Providing shorter
holidays
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 helps
students
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 maintain order and be disciplined. They
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also can
Correct word order
can also
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 mimic their consistent daily routines, which is impossible
in
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during
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 prolonged breaks. Not only is it effective for pupils, but it
also
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 improves their academic performance. In conclusion,
although
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students
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 love prolonged breaks, in my opinion,
this
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 tendency is a negative development.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about good points of long holidays and good points of short holidays, but your own view is not fully explained in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Put one clear topic sentence first, then add two or three clear support ideas.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. For example, say how a short break helps study habits, or how a long break helps family time.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but some ideas jump too fast. Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
task response
Your last line gives your opinion, but you should also support this opinion with one strong reason in the second body paragraph.
task response
You answer both questions in the task, so your essay is on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like while, besides, finally, and in addition.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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