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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart gives data about the number of users of five different communication services worldwide from 1998 to 2008.

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The line graph shows the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 used five different communication
servives
Correct your spelling
services
 worldwide from 1998 until 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of cellular phone
service
Use synonyms
 users
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased rapidly
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
years
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the rest of the
services
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 not
have a
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 significant changes over the
years
Use synonyms
. At the start of
1998
Add a comma
1998,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
celular
Correct your spelling
cellular
 phone
service
Use synonyms
usage
Replace the word
users
 stood at 4
people
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 it
is grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 sharply to 41
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006,
Linking Words
moreover
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is forecast that it will increasing for the
years
Use synonyms
 ahead.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 used landline and internet
services
Use synonyms
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at 15 and 3
people
Use synonyms
 in 1998, and it kept
flew
Wrong verb form
flying
show examples
 gradually for the next 3
years
Use synonyms
 to 19 and 10 in 2004.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 it can be seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of landline
service
Use synonyms
 usage
is
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 any
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 changes until 2006 to 20
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the
number
Use synonyms
 of internet
service
Use synonyms
usage
Punctuation problem
usage,
show examples
 it increased adequately to
nealry
Correct your spelling
nearly
 20
people
Use synonyms
 in the same year.
Then
Linking Words
, for the year
ahead
Punctuation problem
ahead,
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small changes for the
number
Use synonyms
 of both of the
services
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 two
services
Use synonyms
 had the same amount of users
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
years
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they both
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at 0
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 in 1998 and only had a small climb to 3 users in 2008.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, service, years, services with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the number of users
  • communication services
  • worldwide
  • from 1998 to 2008
  • increase
  • go up
  • rise quickly
  • grow slowly
  • remain low
  • become the highest
  • the most used service
  • the least used service
  • pass
  • overtake
  • higher than
  • lower than
  • almost the same
  • a steady rise
  • a sharp increase
  • little change
  • over the period
  • by the end of the period
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