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Writing Samples
Band 5

A family has a great influence on children\'s development, but the influence outside their home plays a bigger part in children\'s life. To what extent do you agree

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It is believed by some that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in child development,
while
Linking Words
 some people argue that outside activities like peer influence or technological engagement
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to grow in a better way. I completely agree with the idea that
parents
Use synonyms
 are most influential
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
upbringings
Check wording
upbringing
show examples
.There are a number of reasons why some people believe that outside activities have a potential impact in growing up for
children
Use synonyms
. One possible reason is that
children
Use synonyms
 are influenced by their peers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 playing or solving problems with their friends
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them to work as a team and
make a
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 strong communication
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
, which in turn
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them
becoming
Wrong verb form
to become
show examples
 potential
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
. Another possible reason is that technology and media have a significant impact on improving their
overall
Linking Words
 cognitive power.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it allows them to
company
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their leisure time after a busy day and broaden their horizons as they have to solve new mysteries and come up with ideas from different perspectives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some strong reasons why I believe that families have a great influence on
children
Use synonyms
’s development.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 are the first
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 of their upbringings and they not only help
them build up their pupil’s
Correct word order
their pupils build up their
show examples
 linguistic skills but
also
Linking Words
 manner and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
usually
Verb problem
are usually
show examples
 raised with their
parents
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 until they
got
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 6
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 time is considered one of the core phases of our lives that helps to lead a meaningful life in
later
Correct article usage
the later
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 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 provide emotional support to their child
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is really essential
maintaining
Change preposition
for maintaining
show examples
 their child’s emotional well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
often
Verb problem
are often
show examples
 disappointed with their performance in
schools
Check wording
school
show examples
,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
small
support
Check wording
amount of support
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to do well
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
next time.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, sharing thoughts with
parents
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 their bond stronger and more resistant
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 allows them to live a healthy life.In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some positive sides of outside activities which help
children
Use synonyms
 build efficient and productive
, I
Check wording
skills, I
show examples
 would argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 play the most significant role in maintaining their child’s emotional well-being and
resilient
Wrong verb form
strengthening
show examples
 their
relation
Replace the word
relationship
.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question more directly. You say you agree, but you do not fully compare home and outside influence.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part and link it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use full stops well. Some lines are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a simple and right way, such as first, also, however, and in conclusion.
task response
You give a clear answer and keep the same side in most of the essay.
task response
You cover both family influence and outside influence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are put in a clear order.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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